Friday, February 17, 2006

When I got back last night, after the storms had cleared, David was already here. When you're 20-something, forecasts of baseball-size hail are no deterrent.

I could hear him upstairs, singing along with whatever garage-trash band was thundering through his headphones. "Zulla, zulla, zull. mensa van da war. brengen lopo. brazen lopy. zulla brengen zen." He was either listening to a foreign band or he has actually gotten worse at repeating lyrics.

Jim: How was Valentine's Day?

Dave: Heart-shaped.

He has stopped shaving his chest, not that it made any, any, any difference, probably because of his parents uncontrollable laughter.

Dave: Can I borrow your tux? [Someone gave it to me.]

Jim: Sure.

Dave: It'll be too big?

Jim: A tux is easy to fix, with just a few safety pins.

Dave: Snazzy!

Jim: Where are you going?

Dave: 1099.

I got it right away, but I've had lots of experience with dave-speak. Give it a little thought and it will come to you too.


The Phoenix said...

He's going to file his taxes?
you are on the right track, but why the tux?

Ben Heller said...

"Back To the Future" ? That's my only guess. I'm still struggling with Dave speak
Ben -- you're at a disadvantage -- a 1099 is a tax form -- there are different kinds --
1099-INT you get from the bank reporting how much interest you earned;
1099-G reports any government payments to you;
1099-R is retirement income;
1099-SSA is Social Security Income;
there are a bunch!
but 1099 is the one you get if you did work for someone, like a consultant or a typist, the IRS considered you "an independent contractor" --

but, what about the tux?

Spinster said...

I don't know and I'll be intrigued all day now! Gah!
and don't forget, why did he answer "heart-shaped" to my Valentine's Day question?

stan said...

Does it have anything to do with the Siege of Jerusalem during the First Crusade? That was in 1099.
Stan's right -- Dave has invented a time machine so he can go back and fight in the Siege of Jerusalem!

-- I thought you were wondering the deserts of Oregon???

stan said...

Also, 1099 is MIC in Roman numerals. Does MIC stand for anything???
Ministère de l'Industrie et du Commerce (Québec, Canada)

Spinster said...

Well, it turns out that the Tuxedo Gallery in Fairfield, OH is at 1099 Magie Ave. Alternatively, the last four digits of the fax number for are 1099. Interestingly, the last four digits of the phone number for Troxler's Bridal Outlet in Greensboro, NC are also 1099.

Tuxedo Gallery Incorporated 1099 Magie Ave
Fairfield, OH 45014-1852
(513) 829-1927

Troxler's Bridal Outlet
Greensboro, NC

siren said...

I'm with Phoenix...sounds like something to do with taxes. This is fun :)
being with Phoenix would be fun!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps he is going to the bank? Although if I showed up at my bank in formal wear, I'm pretty sure they would talk to me. (Long enough to delay my departure until the folks with the white coats showed up.) I did enjoy the story of Rooty - Post Office, although I am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that your PO has a drive-up window. I live in the sticks, OK?
the tux in bank idea is pretty funny...

this was the sticks, until everyone started moving over here from Missouri, now we have twoMcDonald's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spinster said...

OK, here's my guess. Dave got his 1099, so he can file his taxes and will get one of those instant refunds, meaning he will have enough cash to take out the girl who shaved something in the shape of a heart out for a really nice night, for which he wants to wear a tuxedo. I'm hoping that it's not a high school dance. Sorority formal, perhaps?
think 2006 taxes, not 2005

Spinster said...

Dave plans to make money this year as an independent contractor in the field of ... dance partner for elderly ladies in a retirement community? And his resume for applying for these positions is heart-shaped?

This is worse than that Benjamin Stove thing....
For a nanosecond, I thought "heart-shaped" meant he had a heart-shaped bed at a motel.

I realized that he meant DAY -- he probably spent the day delivering heart-shaped candy boxes to his grandmothers, aunts, family friends...

How he spent the EVENING is probably scary. :)

Jim said...


What Dave was telling me in dave-speak was that he had a job that paid over $600 and required wearing a tux, or that would amount to over $600 during the year. Payments over $600 require a 1099.

This is what I now know: He is going to bartend for a reception given by a company for its employees (the reason for the tux), and he is going to do more work for the same company over the next few weeks.