AUGUST 2005

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The posts below are from the second it's jim blog in AUGUST, 2005.

The original comments were not included in the backup files.

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More Evidence That The Earth is Spinning Out of Control

This is from their web page:

For a donation of $5.00 per word (5 word minimum), we can have telegrams delivered to people who have passed away. This is done with the help of terminally Ill volunteers who memorize the telegrams before passing away, and then deliver the telegrams after they have passed away. We call this an "afterlife telegram".

Huh. What? Oh. Er. Huh?

But Why Is His Hand Stuck To His Head?

From the latest edition of the Weekly World News supermarket tabloid:

TURNER JENSEN, a pharmacist in Skyfine, Wyo., got into a sticky spot after he confused Super Glue with hemorrhoid cream, says an E.R. physician who treated several victims.

"All over town, people were sealing their a***s shut, while school kids were crying because they couldn't make their projects stick together," says Dr. Ryan Seasee.

The front page article actually gets more explicit, but never explains the picture.

You Know You're In South St. Louis When...

No matter what you did on Sunday, I can top it! I went to a reception and sit-down dinner for a woman who has been a nun for 70 years. Yes, 70 years. For those of us who so fear commitment that we never buy the same shampoo twice, 70 years is both scary and amazing. The good sister is 92, physically fit, sharp as a tack, and still working! There were about 150 people there. She not only greeted everyone, she was on her feet almost the whole time, working the room, visiting with every person at every table. She was still going strong when I left three hours later.

Oh, the South St. Louis part . . . there was an open bar (beer and wine). :)

If A Plane Crashed In A Forest Would It Make A Statistic

America's Most Dangerous Jobs

Most dangerous job #1 -- logger.

Most dangerous job # 2 -- aircraft pilot (and how scary is that?).

Trash collectors are # 5. See " The Case Of The Sinking Truck" below.

The Shawshank Temptation: In Case Of Bad Ratings, Drop The Soap

The following is a quote from a review of the new Fox drama Prison Break, starring Wentworth Miller and Dominic Purcell. Both actors got buzz hair cuts for their parts. The review is by Gail Pennington, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Television Critic (who is a terrific writer).

"Once they shaved their heads, we saw that the shape of their heads really matched," executive producer Brett Ratner marvels, adding, "Their (backsides) are very similar as well," important in a prison show.

The review is entitled "New Fox drama is busting out with potential." No word on what else Brett tried to match. Debuts tonight on Fox.

Just Silliness That Was Part of Something Else

The kind of entertainment the urban-chic have at their backyard barbeques:
in San Francisco – Mimes
in Los Angeles – Psychics

Got the idea?

The kind of entertainment the urban-chic have at their backyard barbeques:
in San Antonio – Mariachis
in Austin – Psychics (but they work naked, have PhD's, and they all used to be sales reps at Dell)

The kind of entertainment the urban-chic have at their backyard barbeques:
in Boston – Poets
in New York City – they have no backyards, but the guy who pees on the sidewalk thinks he’s Thoreau

The kind of entertainment the urban-chic have at their backyard barbeques:
in Houston – they shoot at skeet
in Tulsa – they shoot at gays

Thanks Tom for letting me use the pix!

The kind of entertainment the urban-chic have at their backyard barbeques:
in Chicago – they tip the band
in Fargo – they tip the cow

Oh My, The Earth Is Spinning Out Of Control Again

That's right, it's a cigarette lighter that you install in your PC. The picture above is not fake, this is an actual product. Wait. It gets better. You can download the instruction manual. Plus, and I didn't see this one coming, for an extra $2.99 they'll throw in some caffeine peppermint mints.

To Go, Or Not To Go, That Is The Aperitif

James XXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXX, Illinois 6XXXXXXX
618 6XX-XXXX

August 26, 2005

XXXXXXXXX
President
The Pasta House Co.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
St. Louis MO 63110

Dear Mr. XXXXXXXX:

As you can see from the attached copy of a receipt from your [city] restaurant, we ordered $54.86 worth of food to go this evening at 6:39 PM. Being told that the order would be ready in about 25 minutes, I arrived to pick it up at about 7:07 PM. The Deluxe Pizza was indeed ready at about 7:08 PM and was placed behind the counter under the register. The pizza and I then waited another 27 minutes for the rest of the order.

It turned out that what was ultimately delaying the order was that someone had “forgotten” to do to the mozzarella sticks whatever one does to mozzarella to get them ready to serve. So, what we eventually got for our $54.86 was a stone-cold pizza, room-temperature entrees, but really hot and yummy mozzarella sticks.

We actually did better, I thought, than the two young ladies who were waiting for a table when I arrived and were still waiting when I left, their extended wait being the result of someone who had come in after them just getting up and taking the table that was intended for them. I would have thought that someone would have done something, anything, about that.

Oddly enough, I am actually writing to thank you. After some other events of the day, I was worried I would not have anything to post to my blog this evening. As I was finishing my last bite of cold garlic bread, I realized that I could just post this. (its-jim.blogspot.com)

Very truly yours,

James XXXXXXXXXXX

Attachment

[NOTE: Pasta House send coupons to cover the cost of the order.]

The Case Of The Sinking Truck (Plus Some New Pictures)

"So the cops have finally come for Jim?" That's the first thought that you had wasn't it? Actually, the officer is there because the truck that you see was trying to remove a dumpster from the house across the street and crashed into the telephone utility box and my fence. The front wheel of the truck also sunk deep into the soft ground. And, how was your morning?

Some background: I was out of town from last Thursday until this Wednesday. On Friday, while I was away, the neighbors across the street had a large dumpster brought in (the big blue thing you see being dragged down the street in the last photo). When delivering the dumpster, the driver managed to snap the cable TV line into my house. The driver called the cable company on Friday but it was still down when I got back late Wednesday afternoon. I called the cable company and was told that it might be a day or so until they could get to it. I suggested that they either put it back up or come and take it down permanently and I would get a dish. It was back up about a hour later.

So today, Friday of this week, the dumpster folks came back to get their dumpster, now full. The lot on that side of me is an abandoned tennis court. People tend to treat it as if it were public property although it belongs to the family in the next house. The driver of the dumpster-retrieval truck was not watching what he was doing, I guess, and pulled forward into the tennis-court lot and hit my fence and the telephone thing. Oddly enough, my phone (which you might recall only rings in my bathroom) is still working. The other nearby neighbors are not as lucky and their phone are out.

So now, and I'm not making this up, I waiting for the "landscape guy" from the dumpster company to show and and put that little corner of my yard back together.

And, yes, you're right, the first thing that crossed my mind was "How are we going to get to McDonald's?" Anticipating my dilemma, one of the neighbors on the other side of the blocked street called and offered to go to McDonald's for me and bring my two plain cheeseburgers and ex-large Coke back home. I said that I would wait, after all, I want to tell our friends at McDonald's all about this myself.

ps. telephone box split open, rain coming, that should pretty well wipe out phone service for the whole street

Most IrritatingTV Spots

This is my list of most irritating current TV spots:

1. Chrysler Corp. -- Lee Iacocca and Snoop Dogg. Cute idea of pairing the 80 yr old former Chrysler chairman with a rapper that just does not work (although Iacocca is donating his fee to a diabetes foundation).

2. Six Flags -- Dancing Old Guy. Kinda funny the first three-thousand times or until you learn that the guy is actually twenty-something.

3. stubhub.com -- Two guys with their faces stuck through a crowd scene. If these are the kind of guys who might be sitting next to me, I'll watch the game on TV.

4. Hardee's -- Shake that thing, ad for milk shake. Guy shaking a real cow (shake cow, milk shake, get it?) . Probably not shown in states that outlaw bestiality.

Zip A Dee Doo Duh

A local university has now had over $40,000 worth of ceiling mounted projectors stolen from its classrooms. These are usually wired to podiums and can be used to project videos, slides, and computer images to large screens. The key point here is that they are bolted to the ceiling. A total of eight projectors have been taken since April. This is a quote from the St. Louis Post Dispatch: "[A University spokesman] said [University] police are exploring whether different or additional security measures are needed." Well, duh.

Only Go Here If You Have Time To Spare

Urban Legends Reference Pages

1000 Monkeys, 1000 Typewriters, 1000 Years

I was wondering earlier this evening if, by random, dirty words might pop up as security codes for comments. The one above is as close as I've seen so far. "Use it in a sentence." Okay. "What do you do when you get home from the ballpark?"

"Yo Meriwether, Let's Camp By Yonder Buick"

I thought they went by boat.

Be Careful What You Wish For

As some of you know, for the past month I have been on this campaign to get Blogger to add access codes to comments (to prevent spam). I have left messages on many of your blogs to answer Blogger's online survey and request some form of security codes. I'm not taking credit, but Blogger has activated codes (use SETTINGS, COMMENTS, Show word verification for comments?). An example is pictured above.

Oops! To those of us who are dyslexic, the codes are a nightmare to retype. What that code looks like to me is: лньяждпда, only upsidedown, and in blue.

Whirltag or Maypool?

We can all heave a sigh of relief, breathe a little easier, sleep a little sounder, Whirlpool has bought Maytag thereby keeping it out of the hands of them awful Chinese who wanted to buy Maytag. We sure dodged that bullet, so to speak. Think what them Chinese could have done if allowed to combine our advanced washing-machine technology with all that otherwise unimportant electronic stuff we done already taught them. Imagine the horror if the Chinese-made PC you are reading this on had a spin cycle! Or, if your new Chinese-made flat-panel TV had a Fluff setting (other than the WB)! Oh sure, lots of Americans will lose their jobs when the two companies are combined, but we all have to be prepared to make sacrifices to keep them Chinese from knowing the secrets of fabric softener dispensing.

The Disliked Boss Nickname Creator!

What could be better on a Monday -- especially the way some of you feel about your jobs -- than the Disliked Boss Nickname Creator!. Mine turns out to be Derranged Talentless-Fool, which would be really funny if I weren't self-employed.

Ask Not For Whom The Turntable Turns

As I passed by the many bungalows in town today, I wondered if people in bungalows prefer Ballads. It was that slow a day. And yes, I do have that kind of time on my hands. People in the better parts of town would probably prefer Classical. Folks out in the country, Country. People who pretend they are still young, Rock. People who are young, MP3's from the Internet. People who buy music from a TV informercial, Anything Digitally Enhanced. It may not be the best theory in the world, but it is much easier to understand than that Big Bang thing.

You Are What They Served in the Cafeteria

One of the things that I remember from junior high for some reason is that a bunch of ducks is actually called, well, a bunch of ducks. Other than that, I don'’t remember much. In all these years, I have never had to solve for x, dissect a frog, or climb to the top of a rope. I'’ve never had occasion to translate from English to Latin, or Latin to English, except for the last episode of Sports Night (Quo Vadimus, Where Are We Going). I had to reread The Catcher in The Rye years later to figure out what the hell it was about (Holden'’s nuts) and if Shakespeare wasn'’t gay why was he writing sonnets to a guy? When I came across my old protractor and compass a couple weeks ago, I realized that since the last day of geometry class I'’ve never once had to draw a perfect circle. I guess all that I remember about junior high was that it was fun, so much fun. Go figure.

One Cricket, Two Crickets, Three Crickets...

The mid-summer doldrums have set in -- also know as the lazy, hazy days of summer. The blue chicory flowers are blooming along the roadsides. The rag weeds are the size of redwoods. The lake is the temperature of warm bath water. The property tax bills have arrived. Someone sent an email today and wanted to come for a visit. Ha ha. Inquire again in late September. I'll be busy until then counting fireflies.

If You Need A Safety Belt, It's Probably Not Going To Sell

I am often asked to look at new product ideas, about 80% of which involve some refinement, reconfiguration, or remodeling of your basic commode. Obvious, people have a lot of time to think while just sitting there. That being said, you'd think they would have noticed that relatively few bathrooms have electrical outlets (much less 220 outlets) next to their commodes. HEAR ME! No one wants, nor needs, a toilet that is part car wash, part recording studio, or part amusement park! GET OVER IT! MOVE ON! INVENT SOMETHING ELSE!

The 1's Are Fine But The 0's Are Droopy

My little part of the web has been moving very slowly tonight. I could not load anything. Email worked. My server worked. However, there seemed to be a "don't talk to Jim" conspiracy out there in the cryptic nooks and crannies of cyberspace. Like most conspiracy theories, mine is worth what I paid for it -- nothing. The ancients looked at the random glory of the stars in the sky and thought they saw lions, bears, and heroes roaming around. We look at the seemingly random and incessant stream of soundbits, anonymous sources, and talking heads that bombard us everyday and see villains lurking behind every unanswered question and ethereal coup-plotters capable of the most malicious deeds. My villains, however, are all machines. Slow servers. Reluctant routers. A superhighway clogged with porn and irrelevancies. In real life, if only we could hit Refresh.

I Should Just Never Leave The House

Rooty and I had to make a quick stop on the way back home from McDonald's. The white car in the top picture is mine. I was there first. There are about 20 parking spaces in front of that building, and another 20 to the right. The red car pulls in, and what does the driver do? Park right next to me, of course! Ignoring the fact that is now more difficult for me to get into my car, there has to something seriously psychologically wrong with people who have to park right next to another car in an otherwise completely empty parking lot. Can they only park if they have an example to follow? Do they think that I've discovered some secret magic parking area and they are going to win a prize? It is just completely and absolutely beyond me!

The second picture was at the end of that same block and shows a guy in a cherry picker painting the traffic signal cross beam. This is part of old Route 66 that they have recently turned into a five-lane monster. The paint is either black or a very dark brown, I cannot tell which. Even if you assume there is some reason to paint rust-proof galvanized steel, and that a camouflage color is your best choice, why won't you paint the fool thing before you put it up in the air and have to block traffic to get to it?

It's A Guy Thing

I found an arrowhead while digging a hole in my front yard. The guys all just said "Wow!" The ladies said "Why were you digging the hole?"

Misery Loves Company

Well, I spent the afternoon in Missouri. Driving back on I-270 I thought: “Been a dull trip, not a single funny sign, MODOT has really let me down.” As I approached the 270/70 interchange, I noticed the first of the ACCIDENT REDUCTION ZONE signs. I have whined and ranted about them in a previous post so no reason to question again “What the hell does that mean?” To someone it apparently meant “What would happen if I drove my car into that thing?” Yes, that’s right, someone hit one of the ACCIDENT REDUCTION ZONE signs. It’s still standing, barely, badly mangled, weaving a little in the wind. How would you like to explain that to your insurance company, to your co-workers, to your wife?
“I had a little accident on the way to work today.”
“My god, what happened?”
“I hit a road sign.”
“My god, what happened?”
“I was driving north on 270, being careful not to cross the parallel white lines, and I lost control and ran off the road.”
“Were you hurt?”
“No, but my car and the sign are a mess.”
“What kind of sign was it?”
“Well, ur, um, it was big and orange.”
“Big and orange, on 270, approaching 70, you didn’t hit one of those ACCIDENT REDUCTION ZONE signs did you?”
“Ur, um, yeh.”

I hope no one was hurt, but I did think that would be the highlight of the day. I was wrong. This next one you will just have to take my word on. It will sound like I am making it up, but so help , I’m not.

I was still on 270 heading east, still amusing myself about the kerplunked ACCIDENT REDUCTION ZONE sign, just past the new I-170 interchange when I noticed that a foot was sticking out the window of a car ahead of me. Personally, I have always thought that looked kind of low class, and it was not that hot today, so I immediately thought: “What kind of parent would let their kid stick his or her foot out of a car window on 270?” Actually, it was a large, white SUV, and the foot was sticking out on the driver’s side so I figured it was some really obnoxious rug-rat in the back seat. I was wrong. It was the driver. I told you this would be hard to believe. There being no know speed limit on 270, like the Autobahn, we were all cruising at about 75. I speeded up a little and sure enough this guy was doing about 80 on the freeway with his foot and part of his leg hanging out of the driver’s seat window. After I got past the “Why?” question, the “How?” question came to mind. Are you that limber that you could drive with your left foot sticking out the window? I tried it when I got home, parked and in the driveway, and it is possible but you quickly understand why he had to have his leg so far out. After I passed him, I thought about slowing down and trying to take a picture but decided I didn’t want to see this guy’s leg being chopped off by a semi. Considering what we could all see he was doing, there was also the scary possibility that something else might be going on.

It Can Only Lead To Split Infinitives

Traffic signs that say No Turn On Red bother me. It should be No Turn When Red” as in the complete sentence "“No turn when the light is red"” shouldn't it? The way the sign is written, the full sentence would have to be "“No turn on the light is red." ” That's just goofy. What they are trying to say, I think, is "“No turn when the red light is on." ” But then the sign would have to say No Turn Red On.” This came to mind last night when Rooty and I were on our way back from McDonald's and I noticed a new Right Lane Must Turn Right sign. Since they probably mean "Vehicles in Right Lane Must Turn Right" -- why don't they just say that? After all, it is the vehicles that must turn, not the lane. Would adding the two extra words have killed them? Not important? Next time your kid says "We ain't got no cereal" remember that he or she is picking up that bad grammar on the streets.

Too Close To Call

Get Wired

This is an area where the city is currently painting the traffic signal poles as part of a beautification program. Apparently, no one looked up.

Ultra Poodle Disguise Kit for Dobermans

"Now you can go to the park with your kids and your dog (like you have been doing for years), without the worry of people thinking you are a bad parent. All our Invisible Breed Products™ are currently FREE to to responsible dog owners."

It is now official, the world is spinning out of control and we are going to plunge into the sun. You have to see the Doberman in his disguise!

It's Be A Nerd Saturday

There is a new a park on the Missouri side where the Missouri and Mississippi Rivers come together -- the Edward "Ted" and Pat Jones-Confluence Point State Park (and, yes, they put all of that on all the signs). As you can see in the two photographs above, however, the rivers might conflux but they do not mingle and mix very much. The brownish water from the Big Muddy Missouri stays to the west, while the clearer water of the Mississippi stays to the east. The flows of the two rivers do not actually fully intermingle until they are well past St. Louis. On their way to that point, what the two rivers really want to do is form islands to separate the two flows. The Corp of Engineers takes a dim of this, however, and tries to force the water back into a single main channel. The most famous of the islands was Bloody Island in middle of the river between St. Louis and what is now East St. Louis. Dueling was illegal in Missouri so all interested parties would row over to Bloody Island and shoot away. When the main flow of the river decided it would rather be between the island and the Illinois shore, and leave the St. Louis shore, none other that Major Robert E. Lee was sent to close off the east channel and force the river back to the Missouri side of the island. The I-55, I-64, I-70, US 40, IL 3 ramps to the Poplar Street Bridge and a riverboat casino occupy the site of the former island.

MSN/TerraServer Map <== Keep clicking SOUTH and you can easily follow the darker appearing water from the Upper Mississippi all the way to the Arch. [If the link will not work, use Longitude -90.15 and Latitude 38.82.]

Prognosis Atrocious

Gas jumped to $2.55 today. It does not matter, however, since it was 3000-degrees and my car melted. As the last bit of metal dissolved into a puddle, the picture of Abe Lincoln on the license plate whispered “It’s the humidity.”

How Hot Is It...

I just got back from Wal*Mart, the cart guy was rounding 'em up in the parking lot with his shirt off.

Nothing Hyponotic About This

Bunny, Rooty. Rooty, Bunny.

Wanna guess what happened next?

You Are What You Yearn For

Licorice and watermellon are my favorite foods. If you ever see a black watermellon, buy it and I'll pay postage. Let me know if you have a favorite food and I'll keep some on hand.

Frosted Mugs

They tore down the A&W Root Beer Stand in town. It was on on Route 66. I went by it today and it's a parking lot. Where will we take Aunt Bee and Opie when they come a visitin'?

Naked Ladies in the Yard

Surprise! Actually surprise lilies. The foliage dies off in the spring and then, surprise, the flowers just pop up overnight in August. They used to be called "naked ladies" but that now sounds too, surprise, salacious. These are in my yard. I wanted you to see them before the dancing girls trample them. Surprise!

Freaky On The Freeway

The Rooty Dog sleeps with his legs straight out. I've mentioned that before. I may have forgotten to add that he also sleeps this way in the car. We hit the highway this afternoon so we could spend tomorrow with my mother on her birthday. While on the Interstate, I snapped the two pictures above. Rooty is in the front passenger seat, with an old sofa cushion and some pillows as a bed. When he gets really comfy, he'll roll over on his back and sleep with his feet straight up. Truckers and SUV drivers can at least look down and see that he's a dog, although I am sure they question whether he's a living dog. Drivers in cars just see four feet up in the air. I cannot even imagine what they must think.

Get Off My Foot

Rooty and I are going to spend the rest of the summer in the basement. It's too hot outside for man nor beast, or at least for this guy and his dog. If I had been the only pioneer, we would be a nation of 300 million people all of whom would have a view of the Atlantic Ocean.

Did They Just Not See The, You Know, Pole?

Moo-zouri

Some 35,000 cows roam the streets of New Delhi, India. We should try that, it's exactly what St. Louis needs -- cows on Market Street, cows in the depressed lanes, cows in Busch, cows downing Busch. Got the idea? They could graze among the gawkers on the arch grounds and mingle amidst the uber-cool in the Central West End. New Delhi has a much larger population than City of St. Louis, however, so proportionally we would only need about a thousand cows. They could eat the weeds. They could chase Cubs fans. The Serra Sculpture could be their corral. It's so utterly ridiculous it just might work.

Somewhere Out There, Is The Meridian

One of the problems with taking pictures in Illinois in August is that what you mostly get are photos of corn. There is actually a divided highway just beyond the corn in this picture. There is a hike and bike trail behind the corn on the opposite side of where we are standing. Nevertheless, as best we could figure out, this is the 90th West Meridian (Longitude), just west of Edwardsville. The corn on the right is closer to Greenwich, England (Zero Longitude). The corn on the left is more than 1/4 of the way around the globe. The center of the picture is about where the meridian runs. The tall plant is not pot, it's ragweed.

"This Is Very Historic, It Is Where Something Important Used To Be"

The car in the foreground in the top picture is rounding a curve on old Route 66 (now IL 157). This is one of the few areas where the highway follows its original right-of-way and the original pavement is still intact (although repaved with asphalt). Not for much longer! Edwardsville and Glen Carbon are ripping out the old road and replacing it with a five-lane, traffic-light infested monster. The old road should be obliverated just in time for next yera's Historic Route 66 Festival.

I know I'm Shallow, And I Want The Deep End Also

You know that feeling when you just have to have a new car? I have that now, only I want a pool! Actually, I want the pool in the picture above, it’s nice and the yard where it is now is really crappy. I think I have legitimate reasons for needing a pool: (1) I lookbetter under water; (2) More people would like me; and (3) I would have less grass to cut. Paying for it would be the problem. I have been working on the finances all evening, looking for things to give up to save money. It might just be possible if: (1) Rooty and I go to McDonald’s two times a day instead of three; (2) I never again buy Christmas or birthday presents for anyone that I know including relatives; and (3) They cut the federal tax rate to zero. We would also have to have 72 inches of rain since I would otherwise not be able to afford to fill it.

It Makes That George Foreman Thing Seem Almost Sensible

Michael Jackson's children are named Prince Michael, Paris, and Prince Michael II. I didn't know that. I'm sorry that I do now.

A Solution in Search of a Problem

The City of St. Louis is lowering all 10,000 of it parking meters to make them more convenient for drivers in wheelchairs. Huh? Ignoring the disabled parking spaces, wouldn't it just be easier and less expensive to let anyone in a wheelchair who drives park for free.

The Top Ten Advantages of a Trampoline Farm

The Top Ten Advantages of a Trampoline Farm
10. Butter directly from Bossie. (Jim)
9. Chickens lay scrambled eggs. (Jim)
8. Pigs are lean and lanky. (Jim)
7. -----
6. -----
5. -----
4. -----
3. Cow chips throw themselves (Anonymous, edited and censored by Jim)
2. -----
And, the Number One Advantage of a Trampoline Farm:
1. Them cows just tip themselves.

The Comfort Zone

The Heat Index today was 190F or something. In not too many months, the Wind Chill will be subzero. I think the two days each year when the Weather Bureau switches from reporting the Heat Index to reporting the Wind Chill, and vice-versa, should be national holidays. Both on Mondays. Both on what would otherwise be school days. They could be called the "The Two Pleasant Days to Live in St. Louis."

The Land of, Well, You Know

My new Illinois license plates came today! Oh boy! Our plates have a picture of Lincoln in the middle, but they print the numbers over him. Mine looks like Abe on a fishhook!

Y Take a Chance

My favorite wrecks, of course, are the folks who cannot decide whether or not they want to get off of the freeway, so in their indecision they simply hit the EXIT signs. The signs are usually breakaways, or there are energy absorbing crash barriers, so any injuries are likely to be minor.

After crossing the Poplar Street Bridge (I-55,70,64,44/Mississippi River) when we came back from Missouri this evening (Tuesday), there was a crash in the westbound lanes on the Illinois side. It was right at the point where the westbound lanes separate into two parallel two-lane roadways. The highway splits because the approach ramps to the bridge had to be weaved through the supports of an existing railroad trestle. Since the two roadways rejoin again at the east end of the bridge, the giant green signs over each side of the split say “SAINT LOUIS ALL LANES” – there are also highways shields for each of the Interstates on each of the signs. You guessed it, someone hit the crash barrier right in the middle of the split. Why? I checked and could not find an injury report so hopefully no one was hurt. But why? How indecisive would you have to be to not be able to decide between, you know, A and A? In spite of the two thirty-foot or more big green signs that essentially say “it simply does not matter which lane you are in,” the driver of that car this evening apparently just couldn’t make a choice and smacked into the center of the "Y" instead. This is the four-wheeler equivalent of the hanging chad.

You Can Never Go Wrong With The Classics

Downloaded a program to keep hackers out. They forgot to mention that it accomplishes this by crashing Windows every 15 seconds. Oh, here it comes agai

If You Build It of 1's and 0's, They Will Come

Something new to worry about! Oh good! Seems that the computer systems in your car just might be able to catch a virus. The automakers are saying that they use the most sophisticated technology available to make sure a hacker cannot inflate your airbags or slam on your brakes. Isn't that pretty much what the builders of the Titanic said about idebergs.

No Se Habla Aramaic

Reuters reports that an umpire in Boston who ordered a Little League baseball team to stop speaking Spanish during a game last week was barred from officiating at any more games this year. When Preston Smith was governor of Texas in the 1970's he vetoed a bill that would have allowed the speaking of Spanish on public school grounds. His comment with the veto was "If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, it's good enough for Texans." Pretty hard to argue with logic.

Move Over Kansas

In a previous post, I mentioned the odd custom of the Missouri Highway Department of distorting the shape of the state in order to fit three-digit road numbers. Rooty the Dog and I came across this sign and pulled over to take a picture. You can see the reflection in the windshieldof my hand and the camera phone.

Lewis and Clark Were Not Driving Nova's (New Pictures Added)

Shouldn't there be some kind of sign that say that the next cross street is, you know, a river?

I added three pictures: fourth down shows the end of the street. Fifth down is a better shot of the street and the river. The river is very low or most of that concrete would be covered. The last shot is looking back up the hill from about water level. Beyond the horizon at the top of the picture, there is another hill just as steep -- and beyond that a long upgrade.