Saturday, September 30, 2006

It's like walking and chewing gum...

driving and eating at the same time,

doing homework and watching the TV --

the mailman in Alton (here in Madison County) was arrested today for selling marijuana from his postal truck while delivering mail, for the past two years.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Cut and run this guy out of town

During an election debate last weekend near Chicago, Peter Roskam, the Republican candidate for Illinois's sixth district, said that his Democratic opponent wanted America to "cut and run" from Iraq.

His opponent, Tammy Duckworth, is a former National Guard pilot who lost both her legs in Iraq last year when her helicopter was shot down by a rocket-propelled grenade. SOURCE: MSNBC

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

I evil

Have new neighbor.
Not friendly.
Bought new riding mower.
Hit AC unit first time out.
Knocked it off concrete pad.
I smiled.

is it just me?????

or is Blogger being a piece of junk today?????

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

As if the first version was not boring enough, nor the second...

The rumor is that Director Oliver Stone is planning to release a third version of his less than successful Alexander the Great, first released in theaters in 2004. The DVD was later released in two versions, both pretty much the same.

Now comes word that Stone is working on a three hour and 40 minute version that will add back in all of the gay content that studio executives made him cut from previous versions -- taking the movie from 168 minutes to a mind-bending 220.

I assume the 14-minute Colin Farrell sex tape, leaked to the Internet the last time the "Is Colin gay?" questions became a media feeding frenzy, will be released in a new 15-minute version explaining who was holding the camera.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Some of you will have no idea what I'm talking about...

The PBS station in St. Louis is in the middle of yet more fund-raising programming. To bring in the cash, they are featuring old Doo-Wop performers:

the Del Vikings -- Come Go with Me
the Penguins -- Earth Ange
the Chiffons -- One Fine Day
Jay Black & the Americans -- Cara Mia
Fred Paris & the Five Stations -- In the Still of the Night
the Edsels -- Rama Lama Ding Dong
Mel Carter --Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me

Great music, but it took me awhile to figure out why it doesn't sound quite right: when we originally heard this music it was on AM radio or old 45 records. AM radio has a tin-ny sound -- also called AM hum or hiss. 45 RPM's were non-stereo, non-hifi, and always scratchy. Doo-wop on stereo TV just sounds too good, like something new, not like something nostalgic.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Fellow blogger Graham had too much class to discuss this in his blog...

not a problem that I have:

Graham reports that a man in Serbia had sex with a hedgehog.

The hedgehog was unharmed, but probably very confused, and undoubtedly very busy telling Tootsie Roll jokes to the other hedgehogs.

The guy, well, ended up with a severely lacerated penis. Seems that hedgehogs have needles or spines much like a porcupine has quills.

It could have been much worse, of course, if the guy had played for a different team -- the needles would have been up his, well you get the general idea.

For his pain and suffering, we're going to give the guy three Crying David Beckhams:For being immensely stupid, we're giving him a full five Guy Who Thought He Could Fly:

Monday, September 18, 2006

We haven't been able to catch Osama ...

... but we did managed to bust Willie Nelson for possession of marijuana!

Officers on the scene caught a whiff of something suspicious emanating from the vehicle as soon as the driver opened the door reported Willie Williams of the Louisiana Highway Patrol.

Wouldn't the big news have been if troopers found no pot on Willie Nelson's bus?

I should have been a jeweler!

I never wear any jewelry, no rings, no watch, no gaudy gold necklace. I still should have been a jeweler. I really, really like shiny things.

Friday, September 15, 2006

I have no idea!!!!

This was new.
We could not find him.

He was asleep in the bathtub.
He clearly did not like being disturbed.

[He had his haircut today, that's why he looks so un-fuzzy.]

Moved furniture all day yesterday...

just realized that I'm walking like Ozzie Osbourne today (and I have an odd graving to eat nothing but burritos)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Why pay that silly license fee!

Pickup #1 has a John Deere logo as a license plate.

Pickup #2 has a Confederate flag as a license plate.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Please send night-vision goggles...

The street light outside is burned out. In 11:25 PM. The power company will only accept a report about a burned out street light if you have the "pole number" from the top of the pole, just under the light, which is burned out.

Give that some thought.

Sunrise is not until about 6:30 AM.

Why exactly do they have a 24-hour toll-free number?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

My aunt died this morning at 2:30 AM. I was with her at the hospital.

Until about three months ago, she had not taken a pill of any kind or seen a doctor for over 35 years. She lived alone, in her own home, and took care of herself. Friday evening we were backing out of her driveway to go get ice cream, she said she felt sick. I got her back in the house and called 911. They gave her oxygen and she seemed fine. When I went over this morning she was not feeling good so I called 911 again. This time they took her to the emergency room, where we were until about 6, then I drove her home (the ambulance followed us -- it's a small town thing). About 9, after speaking with the emergency room doctor on the phone, I called 911 and we went back to the emergency room. She had a seizure about 11:30 PM, at about 1:00 AM they moved us up to a private room on the top floor. She died in her sleep, I was holding her hand.

She was 93.

Friday, September 08, 2006

My brother-in-law died this morning at 10:30 AM. He was 55.

If you smoke, you're an idiot.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

A relative, much younger, is very near death. He has been given 24 to 48 hours, so my guess is that means sooner rather than later. I'm leaving as soon as the house sitter arrives and take Rooty to my mother's and then drive from there. Oddly, my first instinct was to rent a black car, which I did, almost immediately, not sure why, so I guess I'll take it.

Our marketing award winner of the week!

Madam Kerry, Sydney, Australian, has announced she is giving the customers to her brothel 20 Australian cents per litre towards their next gas purchase. [I think this is about 59 cents per gallon.)

Kerry said that the rising cost of gasoline is hurting the sex industry and "... we wanted to find a way to give something back to our clients."

All of the jokes that I can think of start with "Tired of getting screwed at the pumps..."

[Prostitution is not illegal in Australia, but usually restricted near schools, churches, and hospitals. I can understand about schools and churches, but what earthly difference would being next to a hospital make?]

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

One of them Tuesday's that's really a Monday.

Click on the image or HERE to load the game.

After the game loads, click once on the picture to make the penguin jump.

Then click a second time to make the guy take a swing at the penguin.

Pretend the penguin is your boss.

Pretend you are the guy with the bat.

Isn't it great to be back!

Monday, September 04, 2006

That's the best you could come up with?

The lead singer of the British rocker band Kasabian has lashed out at Justin Timberlake, calling Justin "a midget with whiskers."

It's Justin Timberlake, and that's all he could come up with.

First of all, he's 6 foot or something, hardly a midget!

Second, have they just never actually seen Justin Timberlake? It probably took him two month to grow those whiskers!

Now, This is an insult:

Can I borrow your face for a few days while my ass is on vacation?

Saturday, September 02, 2006

This is such a great idea!

Each wiener comes with it's own bun!

Although I still do not know the difference between a hot dog and a frank.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Things to throw out before Labor Day

Since MTV doesn't play music videos anymore, why do they still have a music video awards show?

Gas is below $2.50, it's supposed to fall below $2.00 before the November elections. I guess the big oil companies want to make sure they don't lose control of the House and Senate.

The Pope is holding a conference to evaluate evolution. I suppose they could dig up Galileo and place him under house arrest again.

The missile defense test today was successful, it had been postponed one day because of fog.

The Emmy's is essentially a TV show about other TV shows, it is followed by TV shows about the Emmy show (i.e., TV shows about the TV show about TV shows) and TV shows about what people wore to the Emmy show (TV shows about the clothing at the TV show about other TV shows).