Friday, February 10, 2006

Hit and Run

I have been working on a project today at my desk. Dave proofreads my work in the family room. We usually meet in the kitchen to exchange sheets of paper. Below are some of the brief conversation we had today during our various meetings in the kitchen.
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Jim: You have a date tonight?

Dave: I lost a pound and a half.

(That means in his mind he is no longer repugnant to women and therefore has a date tonight. His brothers have always called him fat and made fat jokes at his expense although he is very thin.)
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AN HOUR OR SO LATER

Jim: Where are you going tonight.

Dave: I
need gutter-money.

(I have paid him three times to clean out the roof gutters, no leaf has been moved an inch. Implicit in his answer is that where he goes on his date depends on whether or not I give him some cash. He has money, this is just a game he plays to see if he can get any cash out of me.)
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AN HOUR OR SO LATER


Jim: Assume there is
no gutter-money, where will you go?

Dave: Her house.

(Now I understand. The young lady's parents have an indoor pool -- not a big deal, they enclosed their outdoor pool so they could use it year-round -- but still a nice thing to have. This is probably why he has been so preoccupied with his weight, it was about how he would look in his swim suit.)
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AN HOUR OR SO LATER


Jim: What
if I give you gutter-money?

Dave: [With enthusiasm.] Popcorn!

(Not $50 worth of Orville Redenbacher's -- he's talking about going to the movies. You catch on to dave-speak after awhile.)
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AN HOUR OR SO LATER

(Dave showed up in the kitchen wearing a red and white cashmere jacket that belonged to an uncle who died many years ago -- since it's cashmere I have never been able to throw it away, since it's bright red I have never worn it.)

Jim: You look like Otter in Animal House. (see photo)

Dave: Who?------------------------------------------------------------

AN HOUR OR SO LATER


Dave: Well?


Jim: Okay.


(We all knew that I was going to give him the money.)
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AN HOUR OR SO LATER


Jim: Will you take Rooty out before you shower?

Dave: My car needs gas.

(This is more dave-speak. He is answering "Yes" he will take Rooty out in the yard -- he will do it when he goes and gets gas. It also means that he is going to take Rooty with him so I should not worry when I cannot find him. Rooty thinks Dave is a big squeaky-toy.) ------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------

Some explanation is probably due. A few years ago, I hurt my neck bad. That's when McDonald's put up the sign asking where we were (see below). At the same time, we had a significant family crisis in Missouri. David, although he was only 17 at the time, was the one who stepped up and helped me make sure that everything that needed to get done got done. No one else even offered. In contrast, in the middle of all that, I asked another of the cousins to drive me to have a MRI taken. Which he did. And then asked for $75 for his time and trouble. David is major fun to have around -- but even better, he's proven that he's the one I can count on.

And, yes, as has been pointed out before, Rooty got top billing!

1 comment:

christy said...

I love Dave stories. I'm glad he'll be with you for awhile--I get tears in my eyes I laugh so hard.
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he's unique