Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Swimming against the current!

I actually have a plausible explanation for this conversation. Dave got up early to go swimming, to get more exercise -- his body fat has increased by .0000000001% and he's in a panic.

For first time visitors,
I should explain that Dave is my second cousin once removed. He is staying with me to proof things for a couple weeks while I'm doing taxes and working on some other projects. My dyslexia is legendary (I once sent the water company a check for $10,000 -- they sent it back -- and still refer to me as "that guy.") He often visits, usually to stay with Rooty the Dog while I am away.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Jim: How was swimming?

Dave: It was cold.

Jim: It's an indoor pool.

PAUSE

Jim: And, the water's heated.

Dave: I didn't get in the water.

Jim: How come your swimming suit [hanging in the downstairs bathroom] is wet?

Dave: I washed it.

PAUSE

Jim: [Knowing better.] Why did you wash your swimming suit?

Dave: It had jelly on it.
-----------------------------------------------------

It took me awhile, but I believe I can reconstruct what happened.

Dave got up and put on his swimming suit (so he won't have to change at the pool) and a t-shirt (also hanging up wet in the downstairs bathroom).

It was twenty-something degrees outside this morning (probably about -5C) and snowing. That means he had to leave the house and go to his car in the cold blowing snow wearing only his swim suit and a t-shirt.

The heater in his car would not have warmed up until he was half way across town.

Once he arrived at the athletic complex, he would have had to park and then walk a long, long distance wearing in February what most people would wear in July.

When he got inside, in the pool area, there were probably some attractive young ladies already there (there always are). That meant that the t-shirt was not going to come off and reveal all that extra weight (maybe one pound).

So, my guess is that he decided against the swim and went back to his car and then to McDonald's to pick up some breakfast (there is NO food in my house).

He probably spilled the jelly that they give you on his lap when he was trying to open the little container or perhaps it just dribbled off of his breakfast sandwich and onto his clothes.

Before you ask why he would eat at McDonald's if he's trying to lose weight -- because he believes that he can eat anything that he wants as long as he gets enough exercise. This is true, of course, when you're 21.

The remaining mystery is how he was going to get back to his car, and drive his car, wearing a wet swim suit, in the cold, in the snow.

2 comments:

Ben Heller said...

I bet you were totally perplexed after that conversation Jim.

Crazy
==================================
it's sort of fun trying to figure out what he's talking about -- like solving a crime show -- maybe I should train to be a profiler :)

he went to Springfield (Illinois -- about a hour drive) -- when he gets back I'll have to ask if he palnned to drive back to my house in a wet swim suit in the snow!!!

Spinster said...

I love the Dave stories. I'll be sad when he leaves again.
--------------------------------
I did figure out how he most likely planned to get home in a wet swim suit in February -- he had a towel with him, and his t-shirt would have been dry, so he could have sat on the towel -- since it's Dave, there is also the possibility that he planned to wrap the towel around his waist and take off the wet suit and drive home wearing a towel and a t-shirt