Old Jay Leno routine: "What kind of a ying-yang goes to Montgomery Wards for a lawyer? 'Hey honey, let's pick up some snow tires and, while we're there, get a lawyer for that manslaughter indictment.'"
Jim is at his mother's home. Someone did something and both the telephone and cable are out. They will not be back up until Monday afternoon.
An Italian toy manufactures is selling exact scale models of the atomic bombs that the United States dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in World War II. Toy A-bombs!
Cowboys Are Secretly, Frequently (Fond of Each Other)
dresskevin.com 
Rooty (right) and his best buddy Ozzie (left, sitting). 
You might consider moving instead of dieting! 
The Gettysburg Address Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.
Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
It was 9-degrees F (-13C) this morning at 2:30 AM as I was speeding down I-44 in St. Louis on my way back home. The freeway, four lanes in each direction, was almost deserted. I was being pretty good, pushing it by a little, maybe 8 or 9 mph over the limit. Right at the Kingshighway overpass, an ice cream truck passed me as if I were standing still. It must have been doing 90! 
How about a USB Noodle Strainer, $120?
If you ever get so drunk that your friends can draw on you, and not awaken you, you need to get sober, drink less, and find new friends.
It's so cold, and the furnace is running so much, that I put the tea kettle on the store to boil some water. I have no tea (sorry Ben), but oddly enough I do have a tea kettle.
Have them go into ceramics, that's where the big money is! 
But what do you know about the Vice Presidents?
Oh.
How about checking out some Yahoo personals? Some guy found all the worst personals for you.
I want to get that damn ball of paper into the wastebasket --
But you'd be wrong wounded-quail breath. 
...but then so are Mondays!
Is anyone else receiving this annoying message from Blogger? 
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And, yes, as has been pointed out before, Rooty got top billing!
The barn with "NFO" painted on its side is a landmark along I-270 in Illinois. The barn is on a rise just north of the Interstate. "NFO" stands for National Farmers Organization. For years, their slogan was "Full Parity for Farmers." It was slogan only farmers understood.
The Bremerhaven Zoo in northern Germany, has 10 male penguins -- six have become same-sex couples.
Question: Why did the chicken cross the road? Answers:
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was historically inevitable.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: and God came down from the heavens, and he said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2008, which will not only cross roads, but also will lay eggs, file your import documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
DARWIN: Chicken, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such ways that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon you frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road, it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
The Good News: There has been a 2/5 reduction in the use of illegal anabolic steroids.
Steven DeGraeve appears to be a creative fellow with lots of time on his hands. On his site you can translate web pages to Yoda, ROT13, All your base are belong to us, Boston accent, Canadian, simple hax0r, Ebonics, Valley Girl, Binary, Jeff K, Ultra Leet, Martian, Pig Latin (above), or Smurf. The default website is CNN but you can change that.
