Something to offend everyone

We exchange Easter presents in my immediate family. Dave, second-cousin once-removed, figures that includes him so he came over this evening. Here are the latest additions to dave-speak:

The preacher at his fiancée’s church apparently begins each sermon with “The Father is with us today.” So, of course, Dave has now started calling the church “The Fatherland.”

I think living part time with two small children is beginning to get to him. He now refers to his car as “the escape pod.”

And, there appears to be a little crisis regarding his choice of his best-friend and roommate Dave as his best man. [Cousin Dave goes by his initials, I’m the only one who calls him Dave, so having a roommate-Dave does not cause any confusion.]

Roommate-Dave is Catholic, not a persuasion which cousin-Dave’s fiancée’s church takes kindly to. It all has something to do with separation from heathens – and they put Catholics in that category for not viewing the King James Version of the Bible as the ultimate and only Truth. In order to aggravate the situation as much as possible, cousin-Dave has started calling roommate-Dave “Pope Davey the First.” He refers to the young ladies that roommate-Dave dates collectively, as if they were a religious order of nuns, as the “Happy Handmaidens of St. Davey.” Roommate-Dave’s car, of course, has in dave-speak become the “Popemobile.” Dave and Dave also thought of vows for the Handmaidens to replace Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience – you will have to image for yourself what two 22 year-old guys came up with!