Monday, December 19, 2005

These may be guy things...

(1) Rather than look for something that you need, go buy another!

It's the basis for the Duct-Tape fortune. It's why we have numerous 3/4-full tubs of plumbers putty and sparkling. It explains all those packages of batteries with one battery left, shrink-packs of automobile replacement bulbs with one bulb left, and tennis ball tubes with one tennis ball in permanent residence.

(2) Any problem can be fixed simply by buying something to fix it, nothing else need be done.

I have gophers and moles. Every time I go to Home Depot, I see the gopher and mole poison and think "That's exactly what I need to get rid of those gopher and moles!" So I buy more. Since I never actually poison the gophers or moles, uncountable containers of gopher and mole poison litter the garage. The same is true of cleaning products. In my shower right now, I have spray bottles Easy-Off Bam, Kaboom, CLR Bathroom Cleaner, Lemon-Scented Scrub Free, and Tilex -- and yet the shower needs cleaning. Those are actually in the shower, who knows what lurks inside the cabinets. In the shower, I also have bottles of Fresn 'n Clean Dog Shampoo, Sulfodene Dog Shampoo, Hartz 2 in 1 Dog Shampoo, and two bottles of Johnson's Baby Shampoo, and yet Rooty actually needs a bath. I have eight million staples.

On the other hand, no man has ever purposely bought anything a size too small in anticipation of losing weight.


stan said...

"On the other hand, no man has ever purposely bought anything a size too small in anticipation of losing weight."

Although I thought about it last weekend. Good thing I didn't, though - being a pioneer in such matters carries far too much responsibility.

Jim said...

a close call, watch a little ESPN and scratch yourself appropriately

The Phoenix said...

You'd better be careful about stockpiling the mole and gopher poison in your garage. You could easily be under suspicion under the Patriot Act.

Jim said...

I actually have a hand-held device for inserting the poison into the could from a standing position, not that I've ever used it, but I have it, under the theory that I was not using the poison because it would involve bending over, or something like that!