Tuesday, December 13, 2005

It's a bird! It's a plane! Oh my god, would you look at THAT!

Phoenix started this with all naatural poweerful ereeeeectioooons, his expose of male size and performance enhancement products.

I simply followed his lead with No Stocking-Stuffer Jokes Please!, about a male package appearance enhancer, so none of this is really my fault! [Versions of the MPAE named for TV shows: The Young and The Restless, The Bold and The Beautiful, Eight is Enough, Everwood ...]

Phoenix followed with The Science of Bats and Balls, his discourse on brain size and ball size in bats.

So you see, it is absolutely all not my fault, and I have no choice but to report the following:

The Sun Online reports that "NEW Superman Brandon Routh is giving movie chiefs a mighty headache — with his supersize LUNCHBOX." It seems that even Phoenix's bats would be in awe of ole Brandon, relatively speaking.

Studio wardrobe experts tried to bring Brandon down to earth with special hardware to hide what the Sun calls "the rookie actor’s blockbuster bulge."

According to actress and co-star Parker Posey, costume staff were constantly adjusting Brandon's superpowers. “He’s got everyone touching him all the time. He’s lying on his stomach and he’s got five people coming up and pulling his underwear down, sticking their hands up the butt of his suit.”

But alas, according to the Sun, mere mortals can only do so much to conceal the schlong of the man of steal. “It’s a major issue for the studio. Brandon is extremely well endowed and they don’t want it up on the big screen. We may be forced to erase his package with digital effects.” That's right, they're going to cut him down to size, one pixel at a time!

Back to you Phoenix...

4 comments:

The Phoenix said...

MY fault??? OK, it's my fault. I gave you no choice but to report on Brandon Routh being the man of steel, literally.

I've seen that picture of Routh quite a bit, and to be honest, I never noticed anything obscene about it. Now your post is going to have everyone staring at Superman's area, scruitinizing any bulge or lack thereof.

Jim said...

didn't they have to flatten Judy Garland for the Wizard of Oz, because she was 30-something and was supposed to be 12????? we need a film buff here.

Willow said...

I'm not touching this with a ten-foot pole.

Jim said...

that, in a nutshell, seems to be exactly Brandon's problem :)