The Dave Free Press

I received some questions about Dave's pending nuptials.

Q. Why are they waiting so long?
A. Dave would get married immediately, especially if he could do so before he next had to do laundry, but his parents insist that they wait. There are two children (whom Dave now calls "Yahoo" and Google") and an ex-husband ("the Tootsie Pop") in the mix.

Q. Will you be in the wedding?
A. I doubt that I'll even be invited. It will take place in one of those churches where every members of the congregation is invited to every wedding. That will leave little room at the ceremony or the following reception for the groom's family -- remember, Dave is a somewhat distant relative.

Q. What do her kids think about their mother marrying Dave?
A. They think she's adopting a third child.