Betrothed, Bothered, and Bewildered

David, second cousin once removed, is officially engaged. She is really pretty, they look like Ken and Barbie together. She has two children, Dave refers to them as "preassembled." He calls her house "the condominium," apparently in the belief that the rest of us are as dumb as toads. She also has two German shepherds named Nitro and Glycerin. Dave calls them Fluffy and Bamm-Bamm.