#1 -- I was at a four-way stop yesterday, where two four-lane roadways cross. There are left-turn lane for each direction, and paved shoulders. A woman was stopped at the stop sign, in a righthand lane. She was putting on her makeup. She did not have her flashers or blinker on. She was just sitting there, using her rearview mirror, putting on her makeup. Drivers who pull up behind her, thinking she was going to move, had to back up and move to the left lane. It's one of those instances when a paint-ball gun or some eggs would have come in very handy.
#2 -- There was some kind of picnic in the city park over the weekend. The park is actually just the block that the library sits in the middle of. People park on the side streets and in the drug store parking lot and walk to the park. There are three state highways that come together at the traffic signals at northeast corner of the park. When there is an event in the park, people tend to bunch up a little on the sidewalks at the traffic signal waiting for the WALK signal to light up. Rooty and I just happened to be at the traffic signal on Saturday evening, just about dusk. There were a bunch of people waiting for the signal to change. A twenty-something guy decided not to wait for the signal and weaved his way through traffic -- everyone else followed him -- including parents pushing babies in those canvas strollers. Cars weaved! Brakes stretched! I guess if you're unable to read the instructions on a pack of condoms we can't expect you to understand the meaning of DONT WALK.
#3 -- This is actually the second time I have seen this happen, at the sesame intersection. It's an intersection where two busy streets cross, but not at right angles to each other. One street runs due north and south; the other runs northwest to southeast. I was at the left turn lane on Tuesday afternoon waiting to turn from the N-S street onto the NW-SE. When the signal changed, the car ahead of me started to turn, but stopped in the middle of the intersection. He started out when we had a green arrow -- but looked up when he got to the middle of the intersection and saw the red light meant for traffic on the cross street, and stopped. I almost hit him. The car behind me almost hit me. All of us had to go around him. You would have thought all of us honking and cursing at him would have made him reconsider coming to a complete stop in the middle of the intersection. When the light turned green for through traffic on the N-S street, he was (of course) blocking two lanes of traffic. I heard honking but did not go back to see how it all turned out.
Just in case you doubt that the locals would do these things, consider this: They have been reconstructing Route 66 in town for what must be coming close to two years. It's a major project, rerouting the highway and widening it from two to five lanes. Today one of the construction crews cut through three copper cables and one fiber optic cable belonging to AT&T, plus a city sewer line. Oops. At last word, 10,000 customers and the local university were without phone service. In case you're wondering, they fixed the sewer line first.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Go nuts!
It's that time of year again, time for the
Mount Sterling Testicle Festival
June 18, 2006
Mount Sterling, Illinois
[Am I the only one who thinks it's inherently funny that they're holding the "Testicle Festival" on Father's Day?]
Mount Sterling Testicle Festival
June 18, 2006
Mount Sterling, Illinois
[Am I the only one who thinks it's inherently funny that they're holding the "Testicle Festival" on Father's Day?]
You may know them as Mountain Oysters, Rocky Mountain Oysters, Prairie Oysters, Calf Fries, or huevos de toro (bull’s eggs). They are the balls of the bull that are peeled, coated in flour, pepper and salt, and then deep fried. In Mount Sterling, they calls them what they are -- testicles -- and they have a big party every year.
I updated my Top Ten List from last year's festival:
Top Ten Things Overheard at the Mount Sterling Testicle Festival
10. "I told Dave, 'Catch the bull by the horns, by the horns!'"
9. "Lost mine in the divorce."
8. "Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't."
7. "I don't care what those emails promise, it ain't gonna happen!"
6. "I'll have a 'Big Man on Campus' sandwich."
5. "Envy has nothing to do with it Janet, I just think referring to your sandwich as "Antonio Banderas" is in bad taste."
4. "What do you mean, you wonder if the mailman is here?"
3. "Putting them in your pants was only funny the first time George!"
2. "We're eating WHAT!"
And, the Number One Thing heard at the Mount Sterling Testicle Festival:
1. "No wonder them cows were contented."
Monday, June 12, 2006
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Make mine in the shape of the Golden Arches
What are they?
You can order any airline, Coca-Cola, or your favorite brand of running shoe!
I kind of like the fish best!
They're coffins in Ghana.Where you can get any kind you want!
Saturday, June 10, 2006
It's going to be a bumpy night...
Rooty and I are at the right of the radar map (the dot above the X). The thunder from the first storm is just now reaching us.
As you can see, there is a line of storms stretching to the left/west -- storm 4 is about 70 miles away.
Rooty does not like loud thunder -- he hides on top of the sofa.
Friday, June 09, 2006
How I spent my summer vacation, Thursday
Went into town today to have new tires put on the car, as opposed I guess to having old tires put on the car.
I called yesterday and made an appointment for 2:00 PM (14:00).
The tire-place is next door to Walgreens -- Walgreens is actually where the tire place used to be.
The bank is across the street from Walgreens.
When I talked to him yesterday, the tire guy said it would take 45 minutes to put on the new tires so I planned my little adventure accordingly.
First, I took the car to the tire place. Then I walked across the street to the bank.
The present bank and office building replaced a building that had been a local landmark for decades. The new bank was built just before that second in time when (1) local banks were being bought up by nationwide banks and (2) people stopped automatically going to the "main bank" to conduct their business.
The result is a bank lobby that is mahogany and marble wonder, half a block wide, and essentially completely empty. There are 12 teller stations, but usually only one teller. When there are two tellers for some reason, they spend most of their time talking to one another. Almost all of the offices are empty, as are almost all of the desks sitting out in the open. It's now just another branch of a multi-state conglomerate, and appears to have the same size staff as the branch at the local supermarket.
The first thing that I did at the bank was to deposit my Lotto winnings ($38.00, I'm considering buying a Porsche). Then I went over to one of the three empty sofas and sat down. There was no one within 30 feet of me -- at least until I pulled out my cell phone -- then employees started appearing from everywhere! They would check equipment that I could see was not plugged in; look for missing items on desks where I've never seen anyone sitting; stroll past and just look and smile. One finally asked "Can I help you?" I was going to correct her grammar but decided it was best not to.
Oddly enough, the person that I was talking to on my cell phone, with my butt on the bank's sofa, was an employee of the same bank at a branch in Missouri. She had called me and left a message. The local branch seemed to me to be a logical place from which to return the call.
I finished my call and walked across the street to Walgreens, probably seconds before the police arrived.
At Walgreens, all I wanted to do was buy some allergy pills. I have not done this lately -- it now requires the same process as buying a car, only it takes longer, and requires more ID. Given one hundred years and unlimited resources, I could not make METH out of a sinus pill. I tried to cut an aspirin in half the other night and cut my finger instead. I hope all that paperwork does reduce the amount of drugs out there -- it certainly brings everything at the Walgreens pharmacy counter to a screeching halt.
While I was in the process of buying the allergy pills, the woman from the bank in Missouri called me back. I told here where I was at and that I would call her in a few minutes.
Can you see where this is going?
That's right! I went back across the street to the bank lobby to place the call. I really do like that sofa.
Enter branch manager stage left.
"Can we help you?" (I really would like a refund of my school taxes!)
"No. I'm fine."
"Do you have some business to conduct?"
"No, I already made my deposit."
"Can we be of any further assistance?"
The woman at the branch in Missouri was yelling ”Let me talk to her!" in my ear.
I was going to ask where the Men's Room was but thought that might be pushing it.
It was becoming a boring game, and I could see through the window that my car was ready at the tire place, so I told her who I was talking to, and why I thought the bank lobby was the logical place to be doing that.
She walked away.
I finished my call and walked across the street to pick up my car.
If it wouldn’t have required yet more paperwork, I would have closed my account.
I called yesterday and made an appointment for 2:00 PM (14:00).
The tire-place is next door to Walgreens -- Walgreens is actually where the tire place used to be.
The bank is across the street from Walgreens.
When I talked to him yesterday, the tire guy said it would take 45 minutes to put on the new tires so I planned my little adventure accordingly.
First, I took the car to the tire place. Then I walked across the street to the bank.
The present bank and office building replaced a building that had been a local landmark for decades. The new bank was built just before that second in time when (1) local banks were being bought up by nationwide banks and (2) people stopped automatically going to the "main bank" to conduct their business.
The result is a bank lobby that is mahogany and marble wonder, half a block wide, and essentially completely empty. There are 12 teller stations, but usually only one teller. When there are two tellers for some reason, they spend most of their time talking to one another. Almost all of the offices are empty, as are almost all of the desks sitting out in the open. It's now just another branch of a multi-state conglomerate, and appears to have the same size staff as the branch at the local supermarket.
The first thing that I did at the bank was to deposit my Lotto winnings ($38.00, I'm considering buying a Porsche). Then I went over to one of the three empty sofas and sat down. There was no one within 30 feet of me -- at least until I pulled out my cell phone -- then employees started appearing from everywhere! They would check equipment that I could see was not plugged in; look for missing items on desks where I've never seen anyone sitting; stroll past and just look and smile. One finally asked "Can I help you?" I was going to correct her grammar but decided it was best not to.
Oddly enough, the person that I was talking to on my cell phone, with my butt on the bank's sofa, was an employee of the same bank at a branch in Missouri. She had called me and left a message. The local branch seemed to me to be a logical place from which to return the call.
I finished my call and walked across the street to Walgreens, probably seconds before the police arrived.
At Walgreens, all I wanted to do was buy some allergy pills. I have not done this lately -- it now requires the same process as buying a car, only it takes longer, and requires more ID. Given one hundred years and unlimited resources, I could not make METH out of a sinus pill. I tried to cut an aspirin in half the other night and cut my finger instead. I hope all that paperwork does reduce the amount of drugs out there -- it certainly brings everything at the Walgreens pharmacy counter to a screeching halt.
While I was in the process of buying the allergy pills, the woman from the bank in Missouri called me back. I told here where I was at and that I would call her in a few minutes.
Can you see where this is going?
That's right! I went back across the street to the bank lobby to place the call. I really do like that sofa.
Enter branch manager stage left.
"Can we help you?" (I really would like a refund of my school taxes!)
"No. I'm fine."
"Do you have some business to conduct?"
"No, I already made my deposit."
"Can we be of any further assistance?"
The woman at the branch in Missouri was yelling ”Let me talk to her!" in my ear.
I was going to ask where the Men's Room was but thought that might be pushing it.
It was becoming a boring game, and I could see through the window that my car was ready at the tire place, so I told her who I was talking to, and why I thought the bank lobby was the logical place to be doing that.
She walked away.
I finished my call and walked across the street to pick up my car.
If it wouldn’t have required yet more paperwork, I would have closed my account.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
I almost forgot to tell you what happened in the last episode of 'Everwood'
They killed off the only Black man in Colorado (back row center) in the second last episode because he was the smart one and could have easily fixed the two-hours of misunderstandings in the last episode with a couple phone calls.Obvious from the first episode, the brain surgeon (front, checked shirt) proposes to the pretty blonde at the front left.
Ephram (center, behind the little girl) ends up with Amy (to immediate left of the brain surgeon). This was also obvious from the pilot.
Bright (front right) will end up with girl right behind him. This was obvious for the last couple seasons.
The little girl has a Bat Mitzvah, the first in Colorado history, centered (I guess) around the ancient Jewish symbolism of the merry-go-round.
UPS delivers a baby by mistake to Bright and Amy's parents (guy with jacket, woman behind him), they decide to keep it and have the jacket-guy's mother (to left of the Black man) move in to help raise it.
So, the odd-man-out was Scott Wolf (back far left) who, like all short guys, leaves on a jet plane for the coast.
Fade to black.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
My post on Monday --My own little corner of the USA, no Canada, no the USA... -- seems to have attracted the attention of the C_$toms people, hard-working, dedicated true-blooded Americans that they be. (See above)
This has actually happened before. An April post -- Army Announces End to 20-Year Cloning Experiment -- perhaps the silliest single post that I've ever did, generated a visit from the D3p@artm3nt of H0m3land $3cur1ty. I still find it odd that they use the real department name for their server.
The SuperSize Gates, with fries
This is where the local McDonald's keeps its dumpster -- you can kind of see it through the crack between the gates. The sign says:
NO TRESPASSING
AUTHORIZED McDONALD'S EMPLOYEES
ONLY
ALL VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED
That seems a tad harsh doesn't it?
Are they afraid people will steal their trash?
Is the recipe for the secret sauce in there?
Are only friends of Ronald allowed inside, like the world's more pathetic rav?
ps. You can actually get to the dumpster by walking through the opening to the right of the gates.
ps. You can actually get to the dumpster by walking through the opening to the right of the gates.
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