Can they drive and chew gum?

Have you noticed how many people have no idea where the front of their car is?

These are the folks at McDonald's who order but then only pull a half car-length forward because they have no clue how close they are to the car ahead.

They are also the folks who turn a left-turn lane meant for ten cars into a left-turn lane that only holds six or seven cars.

They'll be right up your tailpipe when your doing 80 on the freeway but then hover a car-length behind you at the signal at the end of the exit ramp.

I see nothing wrong with kids wearing Heelys inside grocery stores and Wal*Mart

...as long as we get to beat their parents senseless with zucchini!

The odometer in my car read "123456" last week...

...on the way to McDonald's of course.

I only buy a new car every 10 years or so, so I went looking. Amazing what new technology cars have acquired in the last decade!

Some cars with heated seats also come with cooled seats. I wouldn't want it, but it's a great option for people whose cars sit on hot parking lots all day in the summer.

I also don't understand how the windshields on some new cars knows when its raining, and how fast the wipers should go. If you know, please don't tell me -- I prefer to believe that it's voodoo.

The new Lexus sedan cames with reclining, vibrating back seats. For 100K it should probably come with a masseuse but that a fantasy for another day. The Lexus also parallel-parks itself. Personally, I haven't parallel parked since my driving test (and that consisted of saying "Whoa horsey!").

I'll let you know what I buy -- but nothing until my lawsuit against the Lake Board is resolved.

Reports of my death are somewaht exaggerated

hehe

I'm fine.

I've just been very busy.

I'm only home one or two days a week, and I seem to spend most of that time cutting grass.

I also hate new blogger, the way it does comments, and the way it loads page hits with Google searches.

Things will calm down soon, and I might move It's Jim to a social network.

Meanwhile, has the outcome of any sporting event in the history of the world ever been affected in any way by 40,000 people all yelling "Charge!" at the same time?

The single worst idea ever!

ABC is going to do a sitcom based on the Gieco Insurance "caveman" commercials. Story here.

I need a new doctor

one with short, skinny fingers

The company that owns your local Burger King just bought Chrysler!

Now you can get a PT Cruiser and a vanilla shake at the same place.

This site went right past waste-of-time and straight to just-plain-stupid

But it meets our Monday morning goal of wasting as much time as possible!

It's pictures of people jumping on hotel beds.

It's actually sort of hypnotic.

Just in time for Mother's Day (Update)

The goslings finally hatched this morning. The pix above is a stock photo -- by the time I went in to get my camera and got back out, mama, papa, and the rest of the gaggle were gone. The parents apparently lead them to water soon after hatching -- we're hoping it wasn't straight down the seawall (splash!).

Update: I checked just before dark and mama goose is back in the nest with the goslings under her. Every now and then one pops out from one side and scurries and ducks under the other side. Ah, there no place like home.

People Who Should Not Be Allowed To Vote - Part Duo

This is our continuation from yesterday of people who are too stupid to be able to drive and, therefore, should not be allowed to vote. That's our new rule.

Disenfranchised Group B

In this group are those drivers who are too stupid to comprehend, much less execute, the two-lane left-turn.

It seems pretty simple. There are two side-by-side lanes with big white arrows and "Only" painted on them. There are identical "Left Turn Signal" signs next to the equally identical green-arrow left-turn traffic lights. There is that hatched-line curving through the intersection. There are the two lanes of opposing traffic with their left-turn blinkers flashing like crazy. What is it these idiots don't see?

There are two major variations. The first is the driver in the leftmost of the two left-turn lanes who cuts across the hatched line and into or nearly into the other traffic turning left. I have seen drivers do this when that other traffic included a semi truck. Do they just not notice the, you know, really big truck moving along side their passenger-side window.

The second variation is the driver who needs to make a right turn as soon as he or she gets through the intersection but, for some incomprehensible reason, decides to use the leftmost of the two left-turn lanes. This means either cutting in front of someone and hitting the breaks or, my personal favorite, coming to a complete stop in the left traffic lane and then making a sharp right turn across the right lane to get where then needed to go. Drivers in the right lane who stop to let these nincompoops make an illegal turn should also loose the right to vote and have to listen to nothing but Sanjaya singing for a year.

Part 3 tomorrow.