"Woman accused of trying to set boyfriend on fire"

The headline above was a headline in today's newspaper.

I believe that, technically speaking, after you strike the match he's no longer your boyfriend!

The Beckhams are here!

Google News ran articles on the same page -- under Sports and under Entertainment. (Photo above, upper left and lower right.)

Their house cost $22 million.

It has 13,000 square feet, plus the cement pond of course.

The first thing they did when they got here was take off their clothes and pose for W magazine. (Below)

Not sure how all this is going to play in Peoria and Possum Trot.

Attach Part Y to Part K, and then stand on your head!

Help!

I'm being crushed by the sheer weight of the User Manuals that I need to read!

So, of course, I'm not reading any of them.

I mentioned before that I have a new computer that has Vista. I use the features that are unchanged from XP and simply ignore the rest.

The computer came with Office 2007. It seems to do the same things that the older versions did but with mind-numbing new menus. They changed simple things like "Copy" and "Paste" for no discernible reason. I refuse to have to resort to Help to learn how to write a simple paragraph using Word.

I also had a security system installed in my house. I had burglars three times when I lived in Austin and it is not a pleasant experience, but I did learn not to keep anything of value in the house. I just thought I would feel more comfortable being away if there was a security system. It came with a users manual and a DVD, neither of which I've looked at. I've learned to turn it on, and off, and what to tell the security company when I accidentally set it off. It does all kinds of fancy things but I'm certain I'll never know how to use them individually. I just leave the whole damn thing on all the time.

And then there's the new underground sprinkler system. It came with two manuals and two DVDs. There are 12 separate zone, each of which can have three separate start/stop programs. I just turn it to "Test System" when I want to water the lawn and to "Stop" when I want it to, you know, stop.

Monday time waste x one billion

Many Mondays I have given you ways to waste time now that you have to be back at work. This week is a little different. I found a guy who clearly had the ultimate time to waste. Scroll down THIS PAGE and see if you agree. On the other hand, maybe he was just a state employee.

If you build it, they will leave!

St. Louis was always Number 3, after New York and Chicago, in terms of number of corporate headquarters on the Fortune 500 list. But now, gone are the parent headquarters of:

Southwestern Bell (now ATT)
Ralston Purina
Pet
McDonnell Douglas
General Dynamics
Mallinckrodt Chemical
Jefferson Smurfit
The May Company (Mayco)
Missouri Pacific Railroad
Trans World Airlines (TWA)
7-Up
Tums

Fortune 500 corporate headquarters that are still here, followed by rank by Fortune:

Emerson Electric 115

Express Scripts 132

Anheuser-Busch 146

Monsanto 323

Ameren 339 (Union Electric)

Charter Communications 409

Peabody Energy 431

Graybar Electric 450

Energizer Holdings* 636 (Energizer and Eveready batteries; Schick and Wilkinson blades and razors)

Ralcorp Holdings* 905

*Once part of Ralston Purina, as were Nestlé Purina PetCare, Purina Mills (animal feeds), and Wonder Bread.

It's Monday, who knows if this is a waste of time or not...

It's a site to determine your risk of certain diseases -- something to do while chopping down your break-time Hostess Twinkie.

It all has some credibility because it 's on the website of the Siteman Cancer Center in St. Louis, past of the Washington University medical complex.

See if you can follow this:

Barnes Hospital is named for the banker who long ago put together the corporate structure of Anheuser-Busch.

Jewish Hospital moved next door.

St. Louis Children's Hospital was also adjacent.

All three merged, with Barnes-Jewish as the adult teaching hospitals for the Washington University School of Medicine and Children's the children's teaching hospital.

Then a holding company was formed: Barnes-Jewish-Christian when Christian Northwest Hospital was acquired.

Then, they acquired Missouri Baptist Hospital! What a great name it would have been: Barnes-Jewish-Christian-Missouri Baptist Hospital. That's a lot to put on a logo, however, so it all became BJC Heathcare.

Along the way, they got the Queeny fortune (founders of Monsanto) and Danforth fortune (founders of Ralston Purina).

Can they drive and chew gum?

Have you noticed how many people have no idea where the front of their car is?

These are the folks at McDonald's who order but then only pull a half car-length forward because they have no clue how close they are to the car ahead.

They are also the folks who turn a left-turn lane meant for ten cars into a left-turn lane that only holds six or seven cars.

They'll be right up your tailpipe when your doing 80 on the freeway but then hover a car-length behind you at the signal at the end of the exit ramp.

I see nothing wrong with kids wearing Heelys inside grocery stores and Wal*Mart

...as long as we get to beat their parents senseless with zucchini!

The odometer in my car read "123456" last week...

...on the way to McDonald's of course.

I only buy a new car every 10 years or so, so I went looking. Amazing what new technology cars have acquired in the last decade!

Some cars with heated seats also come with cooled seats. I wouldn't want it, but it's a great option for people whose cars sit on hot parking lots all day in the summer.

I also don't understand how the windshields on some new cars knows when its raining, and how fast the wipers should go. If you know, please don't tell me -- I prefer to believe that it's voodoo.

The new Lexus sedan cames with reclining, vibrating back seats. For 100K it should probably come with a masseuse but that a fantasy for another day. The Lexus also parallel-parks itself. Personally, I haven't parallel parked since my driving test (and that consisted of saying "Whoa horsey!").

I'll let you know what I buy -- but nothing until my lawsuit against the Lake Board is resolved.

Reports of my death are somewaht exaggerated

hehe

I'm fine.

I've just been very busy.

I'm only home one or two days a week, and I seem to spend most of that time cutting grass.

I also hate new blogger, the way it does comments, and the way it loads page hits with Google searches.

Things will calm down soon, and I might move It's Jim to a social network.

Meanwhile, has the outcome of any sporting event in the history of the world ever been affected in any way by 40,000 people all yelling "Charge!" at the same time?