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I don't understand

Missouri allows compulsive gamblers to ban themselves from the state's casinos for life. Over 14,000 people have signed up even though a casino will have you arrested for trespassing if you show up. (You have to show an ID is you win big, ask for comps, or get a cash advance. Like other states, Illinois has copied the Missouri system but also pays casino workers a $250 bounty for each banned-player they catch.)

What do I not understand: in Missouri, over 1,000 self-banned players are arrested each year!

Maybe it adds to the thrill.

I always get in the wrong line, but...

World Class Bad Decisions

Lucille Ball sold Desilu Productions, including the old RKO studios, for $6 million. Star Trek alone has generated billions in the years since the sale. Oops!

IBM wanted to buy the rights to MS-Basic, a programming language from Microsoft. They planned to by the operating system from another company in Seattle. The two IBM guys got tired of waiting around at the other company -- rather than wait for the IBM guys, the owner had taken his kid to play in a soccer game. IBM went back to Gates and asked "Can you make an operating system?" The result was MS-Dos, which evolved into Windows. The soccer game was probably the most expensive parenting decision ever made! Oops.

Brian Dunkleman and Ryan Seacrest (pictured above) were co-hosts of American Idol for the show's first two seasons. After the second seaon, Dunkleman decided to quit. Seacrest will make $15 million per seaon for the next three years on Idol. He also hosts E! News on the E! cable network, the annual Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve broadcast on ABC, On Air with Ryan Seacrest, which is based on KIIS-FM in Los Angeles and is syndicated throughout the United States on Premiere Radio Networks, and American Top 40, which is also syndicated by Premiere Radio Networks. Dunkleman was recently quoted as saying he probably made a "bad decision" leaving Idol. Dah! Do ya think? Oops!

The natives are just goofy!

Stopped at roadside stand to buy tomatoes and straw.

Big sign said "Corn, Tomatoes, Straw."

Had corn, didn't need more.

JIM: "I'd like these tomatoes and a bale of straw."

FARM PUNK: "I don't think we got straw."

JIM: "The sign says 'Straw'."

FARM PUNK: "I don't think we got straw."

I took his repeated answer to mean "I don't know if we have any straw but I will check."

He meant what he said, however, he didn't know and he didn't plan to find out.

My theory has always been that the ancestors of the locals headed west like everyone else, but unlike everyone else they couldn't figure out how to get across the Mississippi River. And then they inbred, and don't know if they have straw.

Once again, is there really a shortage?

Why don't these guys work on changing crabgrass into prime rib?

At least they are consistent!

Why not just say it's going to rain?
Do they get paid by the word?

Note: At exactly 1am there will be no rain!

First word said on the moon...

March 2, 1793 – July 26, 1863

7th Governor of Tennessee
1st President of the Republic of Texas
3rd President of the Republic of Texas
United States Senator from Texas
7th Governor of Texas
[Only person to have been the governor of two different states.]

"Houston, Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed."

Oh no!

The Most Fattening Foods of Summer Slideshow

I eaten everything on these slides this weekend, so this might be goodbye!

It's going to be a really odd insurance claim!

"MOUNT PLEASANT, Wis. (AP) -- One southern Wisconsin homeowner is probably not in love with the Oscar Mayer wiener. The famed hot dog's Wienermobile crashed Friday into the deck and garage of a home in Mount Pleasant, about 35 miles south of Milwaukee. "

REST OF THE STORY

They flew one of these over Busch Stadium for the All-Star Game

It also flew over my house. I thought the Martians had arrived.

Smoking is bad for you in oh so many ways!

Josh Muszynski, of Manchester NH, used his debit card to buy a pack of cigarettes at a gas station. His back account was debited for $23,148,855,308,184,500.00. That's over 23 quadrillion dollars:

twenty-three quadrillion,
one hundred forty-eight trillion,
eight hundred fifty-five billion,
three hundred eight million,
one hundred eighty-four thousand,
five hundred dollars.

Bank of America charged his $15 dollars for the overdraft (with "overdraft" here being the understatement of all time!).

The story is HERE.

I understans completely

I told them not to wash it inhot water!

Very clever!

Look who I'm calling stupid!

Went through the drive-thru line at Kentucky Fried Chicken Sunday evening. I forgot to order, so when I got to the windows they had no food for me. True.

But, here are some stupid criminals for your Monday morning!

Click HERE.

Well. it seemed like a good idea!

I saw a TV spot for Shake 'n Pour.
I like pancakes.
I looked in the refrigerated coolers at the store. Nope.
So I looked in the freezer aisle. Nope.
So I looked in the pancake-mix aisle. Victory.
I didn't read the instructions until I got home.
It is not a liquid like the TV commercial.
There is dry pancake powder in the bottom that goes up to just below the top of the blue Bisquick logo.
The rest of the bottle is air.
That's right, I essentially bought air.
The pancake mix that is in the bottom of the bottle is the same stuff in the much cheaper boxes of pancake mix on the same shelf.
That's right, I essentially bought air.
To get actual pancake batter, you have to add water, just like you do to make pancakes using the mix from the much cheaper boxes.
I don't add water. That would be cooking!
I don't cook!
I also do not do ironing or windows.
If I did cook, however, it would be just as easy -- and much cheaper -- to use a bowl and a spoon to make the pancake batter.
A one-time-use pancake batter-mixer jug thing -- call the landfills and tell them to expand!

Huh?

Is there a shortage?

Have we really gotten to be that lazy?

What about Father's Day? All those cards and ties going unsold is not going to help the economy!

Geographic Trivia Time

Dalhart is a city in the far northwest corner of the Texas Panhandle. It is the county seat of Dallam County although about half of the town is in Hartley County. (Contrary to popular belief, the town was never the county seats for both counties.)

Dalhart is located closer to six other state capitals than to Austin:

• 491 miles from Austin
• 201 miles from Santa Fe, New Mexico
• 281 miles from Oklahoma City
• 289 miles from Denver, Colorado
• 375 miles from Cheyenne, Wyoming
• 434 miles from Topeka, Kansas
• 458 miles from Lincoln, Nebraska

I couldn't be more proud!

The guy in the picture is Aaron Schock, one of Illinois' U.S. Congressmen. The photo was apparently leaked to the press to help squelch rumors that he's gay. Not sure if there's a Plan B.


I think he has his eyebrows groomed (see below).

Dull day at your desk?

Montage-a-Google
Click on Launch Project
I entered my name -- none of the people above, however, are me.

I have Charlie Brown's tomato plants

Image above -- Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree

Image below -- my tomato bushes for this year. I have no idea why they did not grow bushier or taller. But, oddly enough, they do have tomatoes.

Oh waiter, there's a baby in my soup!