Wednesday, March 05, 2008

"The World's Funniest Joke"

A university professor conducted a "scientific experiment" to find the world's funniest joke --

Here's the winner:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Second place:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

Top joke in England:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

As frequent visitors know, my favorite joke:

Blanche: Grace, what beautiful flowers.

Grace: I told George I was going to see Gladys Smith in the hospital and he said "Be sure and take her flowers."


Amy in StL said...

The English joke is the funniest! Odd, since I generally don't consider British humor to be that good.

Jim said...

Hi Amy -- here's the funniest joke from Australian, good thing they all look like beach bunnies and boys 'cuz humor appears not to be their thing:

A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"

The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

meagan said...

I guess I am not a frequent enough visitor any longer, because, Jim dear, I don't get your personal favorite joke. :-(

love meagan

Jim said...

Meagan, where did the beautiful flowers come from? Gracie took them from Gladys just as George told her to ("be sure and take her flowers")

meagan said...

Ahhh, got it.

Sorta. As we all know, it's not nearly as funny when it has to be explained!! Hahahah.

Thanks, Jim!