Saturday, March 22, 2008

"Don't make come back there!"

I am a fairly tolerant person, except for people who have no grasp of the concept of gravity.

I feel really sorry for the people whose homes have been damaged by our recent floods. Flood waters are not bat tub waters. Flood waters leave a thick layer of gooey mud --plus sticks, beer cans and other debris. You not only have to powerwash your walls and floors, you have to wash everything in bleach. If the plasterboard does not pop off the walls on its own, you have to break it out and bleach the studs to keep mold from growing.

On the other hand, we had our usual news clips of people saying "I never thought it would get this high." Let's see, your home is on a stretch of land that is flat as a cookie sheet, and next to a river. When you bought, you had to turn down federal floodplain insurance. What part of "The river will crest 13 feet above flood stage" did you just not understand?

My favorite are the old guys who are going to "ride it out." Ride what out, being an imbecile? The water is already to his back door and is expected to rise another nine feet. Can the guy just not do the math? He's six feet. The water will be three feet higher than the top of his head, which puts it above his living room windows. No wonder people make money selling used cars and easy-credit wedding rings!

Of course, nothing tops "I put my trust in Jesus." Unless 'Jesus' pronouces his name 'hey-seus' and is filling sandbags in your back yard you can pretty much kiss your living room sofa goodbye. If you live in a floodplain, and that there river is going to be 23 feet above flood stage -- and Moses is not available -- you are going to be getting a little more that damp, whether Jesus loves you or not.

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