Monday, November 26, 2007

TUMS are made of ground-up marble...

...so why do the bottles have expiration dates? What does marble become when it goes bad, Formica?
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David Amulet said...

And here I thought Tums were made of ground-up quaaludes.

-- david

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David -- I know not what of you speak, but don't the good ones come from Mexico???


Thursday, November 22, 2007

Oh sure, you're full of turkey...

...but how much will it cost you to get home!

Click HERE or the image for the AAA Trip Gas Price Calculator.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

gobble, gobble, whack

Hope you have a great Thanksgiving Day!
I don't have to bring nothin' since last year's
Jello & Peanut Surprise.

(Give the photo a little thought, it will come to you.)

And, the holidays are just beginning...

1. A woman in Dierberg's (regional supermarket chain) was berating a cute, young clerk because she didn't know if the Dierberg's price on some stupid thing was higher or lower than at Shop 'n Save (another regional chain).

2. The driver ahead of me in the drive-thru line at McDonald's at lunch time was putting her hair up in curlers, in the drive-thru line.

3. It was 75 yesterday, 74 today. Some time overnight the highway department sprayed the road into town with salt, lots of it.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Never a donor nor contributor be

Giving away money is not easy, perhaps because the amounts that I have to give away are so small.

As most of you know, I taught for many years. When you teach, your employer is your principal charity -- there are always fund drives going on plus incessant student bake sales and other annoying ways to pick your pocket.

A few years ago, it was discovered that the BIG CHARITY is St. Louis was spending 90 cents of each dollar it collected on overhead. Since the BIG CHARITY does not itself engage in any charitable activities that mean that only 10 cents of every dollar was being given to an actual charity. Since some of those charities, in turn, spend up to 50% of income on overhead, for your buck you got something between a nickel and a dime of actual good. (After the publicity, the BIG CHARITY changed it ways.)

More recently, one of the St. Louis TV stations reported that one of the Catholic Charities in St. Louis had raised $100 K on a trivia night. Very impressive -- until it was revealed that the head of the charity was paid $115 K per year. They were still down $15 K before they even covered his salary.

A few years ago I started to send small, very small, contributions to rural churches that I would see when driving around. Usually $50, and never more than $100. I stopped doing that when I finally realized that not one of the churches had acknowledged my gift or send a thank-you note.

So recently, all my giving has been going to various groups that support either active duty troops or disabled veterans. There are a lot of these so I have been giving a little to as many as I could (in effect, spreading the risk or increasing the chances that my few dollars would be used for some good purpose).

One such group offered a free t-shirt with each $30 contribution. I sent them $50. The receipt of the $50 was acknowledged through PayPal but the t-shirt never arrived. It has been about a month since they got my cash, so I sent an inquiry last night. Today I received an email that said "Clearly its got lost on the way." This, I assume, is the charitable equivalent of "My dog ate my homework!"
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The Phoenix said...

You should still get your t-shirt, though.

Foen -- what would I do with it, not exactly a charity that I would want to promote. The quote in the post was a copy and paste, odd grammar and all. The guy also wanted me to resend my address -- which suggests that they are not even keeping records of what money comes in!



Saturday, November 17, 2007

It was deja vu all over again.

I have not really kept in touch with the people that I went to college with, and not just because I probably owe some of them money. Three of them, however, have popped up on TV.

The first was the crabby next door neighbor who caused grief for a cute young couple building a house (with help from a TV show).

The second was a witness in a criminal case involving several of his relatives, so he was interviewed on one of those cable crime shows.

The third, I found out today, was on a reality TV show, one so obscure that I never heard of it, nor could I find its web page.

The third was a real wheeler-dealer when I knew him, and apparently still is. When last I heard of him he had left his employer and started a business in direct competition. What I read today was that he had left his most recent employer and, surprise surprise, started a business in direct competition. Surprise, Surprise!

Friday, November 16, 2007

Comments about comments

Moni left a comment about my post about the Here Comes the King jingle:
moni said...

Oh my yes, Anheiser-Busch is such a part of St. Louis as are the Cardinals. We use to ride out to Busch Farms and we'd see old man Busch riding his little horse drawn buggy down the road and this was before Busch Farms was open to the public. My uncle was a batboy for the Cardinals and my grandmother had large framed pictures of the Cardinal teams back in their very winning days. Good memories.

Grant's Farm, operated by Anheuser-Busch, is in St. Louis County. It's "ancestral home" of the Busch family. The important part ==> there are baby Clydesdales. Jim
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Fuz questioned by claim to inventing the radio:

:P fuzzbox has left a new comment on your post "How I reinvented radio.":

Sure you weren't smoking anything?

Fuz, I didn't receive your package last week, be sure to include a Whataburger!!! Jim
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Here's what Moni said about my question about babies dreaming, Moni major sweet:

moni has left a new comment on your post "do babies dream?":

I think they dream about food, mommy and kisses.

Nothing I can add to that! Jim
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Foen commented on waiting for service people:

The Phoenix has left a new comment on your post "Do a little, crappy, charge a lot.":

It's not as bad as furniture or appliance delivery people. "We'll be there between 7AM and 7PM."

I will tell all about that day. Here's a hint -- he started at 9:30 AM and finally left at 10:45 PM. Jim
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"Way past due" drew three comments:

sleepyrn has left a new comment on your post "way past due":

I was stopped last week on the way home from work. It was around 9pm and I was exceeding the posted limit by about 14 mph. Add to that I was in my husband's car and had NO earthly idea where he had his registration, insurance... The officer comes to the widow all ready to tell me the errors of my ways. He shines his light in and sees me in scrubs and my work ID badge and his whole attitude changed - instantly. He asked for my license, reg, ins... I told him I couldn't find the second two. When he came back with my license I was still rooting around.... He said not to worry about it - "no big deal", and just told me to slow down. SInce when is not having a registration card and proof of insurance "no big deal?" He said he wasn't worried so much about me but I was "encouraging the other drivers to speed also." We talked about my work for a few minutes and he sent me on my way.

Officers will not give tickets to nurses in uniform. I swear - it's true. I've had one officer tell me that they know that their life may be in our hands one day and they want them to be friendly hands.

The moral of the story is that everyone should drive around in scrubs and have a hospital ID.

sleepy, I only wear scrubs around the house haha

Metal Mark has left a new comment on your post "way past due":

I got a ticket once for turning on a red light. I was exhausted and not paying attention. That's the only ticket I have ever gotten.

Everyone who wants to turn MM into the cops raise your hand.

Amy in StL has left a new comment on your post "way past due":

My car attracts way too much attention for me to speed more than 9 MPH over the legal limit. Guys always ask me how I avoid getting in more trouble and I always tell them, "I pay for my own insurance." I leave out the part about being a cheapass.

Amy, what the hell do you drive, an Enzo Ferrari????? If so, I will marry you.
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About ASCII self art, Stan wrote:

stan has left a new comment on your post "ASCII self art":

I can't quite make out the face. Is that Matt Damon or a young Frank Sinatra?

Stan, it's Matt Damon, from the Google News page, making it 60x50 distorted it some.

ASCII self art

At typorganism.com you can upload a picture and turn it into different types of ASCII art. Be sure to resize your photo to 60 x 50 pixels before you upload. The site will even generate a HTML page for you. Note: You must allow popups for the typorganism page.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

way past due

I got stopped the other night, by the Illinois State Police (Highway Patrol). The trooper looked like Opie, he was 27 (I asked him). I was going to make an Aunt Bee joke but thought better of it.

I was breaking the sound barrier, at night, on I-55, in a 65 zone. I had been exceeding the speed of light in Missouri, on I-44, in hills north of Pacific, just a short time before so I had actually slowed down some.

The cop was polite, professional, and somewhat confused by Rooty (who loves all cops and thought one had come up to the car to play). Beside avoiding any Opie references, I restrained by self and mentioned neither 'what was he doing out after curfew' nor Ovaltine.

I have always found that if you're friendly, cooperate, and use your turn signals you'll usually just get a warning, and so I did.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

do as jay do

Years ago, I heard Jay Leno, as part of his stand-up act, say that you should buy yourself whatever you bought for your parents. This he said would save untold amounts of time as you tried to explain to them over the telephone how to cook something in a microwave or stop the VCR from flashing "12:00" incessantly.

Over the years, this has proved to be excellent advice, saving an Everest of port sausage links from being turned into charcoal brickettes and enabling countless baseball games from going unrecorded.

And then there was TIVO.

There is no way to explain TIVO to a parent -- they either get it or they don't. My mom don't!

Just when you think you've gotten her pointed in the right direction and back to live TV, she'll press the TIVO button at the top pf the remote, probably because it's big and shiny. Once into the TIVO menu, she might as well be lost inside a Medieval maze.