SEPTEMBER 2005

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The posts below are from the second it's jim blog in SEPTEMBER, 2005.

The original comments were not included in the backup files.

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It's Friday. Do You Know Where Your Relatives Are?

Be sure your sound is on or this will make no sense. It makes little since with sound.

There is something in this video to offend everyone.
If you are someone you are likely to be offended.

Having been warned -- ENJOY

"I don't care what others say!"

You light up my life

You give me hope
To carry on
You light up my days
and fill my nights with song.

It can't be wrong
When it feels so right
'Cause You
You light up my life.

[Note: This is a blue herin that comes to my backyard everyday to fish. I thought I would sing to it.]

And now, for something completely different...

Turn the PC sound up!

It's dancing time!
The weekend is almost here!
This will get you through the rest of the day!
It's time for some ELVIS!

It's The Way He Sleeps

Sensible or Silly UPDATED

You might recall the cigarette lighter that you install in your PC?

How about this USB ashtray for your PC! ($7.00 plus shipping)

OR

How about a George Foreman Grill to plug into your USB port

$99.00 George Foreman USB iGrill

A Little WOW For Your A Coffee Break

There was no direct link to the Mind Reader, so click on the box that the arrows point to!

I have no idea how this works!

Would a puppy peeing on a laptop make you feel better about Monday?

I have no idea.

It's Naked Indoor Snow Skiing

This may be the stupidest things that I have even seen.

It's Time For Our Friday Afternoon Time Waster

How Observant Are You?--TEST ONE

How Observant Are You? -- TEST TWO

Which Of the 7 Deadly Sins Are You? -- TEST THREE

Air Mail, Express Mail, Priority Mail, Boomerang Mail

I am not sure that I can adequately explain this.

There was a letter in my mailbox on Monday that was addressed to someone else. Rather than hunt all over town for the house where it was supposed to go, I wrote “delivered to wrong address” on it and dropped it in the outside mailbox at the Post Office.

The mail from the local Post Office is picked up and taken to St. Louis for Zip Code sorting. So the letter went across the river on Monday evening. Tuesday afternoon, it was back in my mailbox.

So this time I gave in and did a Yahoo map of the correct address and Rooty and I headed across town. No one was home so I left the letter in the mailbox at that house. Can you see this one coming?

I guess the carrier on that route was there after I was, figured it was outgoing mail, and put it in the bin for transport to the Zip Code facility in St. Louis. So, once again, the letter crossed the river to Missouri.

Thursday afternoon it was back in my mailbox.

It’s on the dash of my car now.

I have no Plan C.

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind -- or not

Weathervane By Driveway 0 Morning Glory 1

Sometimes We Just Need A Quickie

How does your brain really work? This takes less than 30 seconds.

CLICK HERE and pick the image that appeals to you most!

You can click any option for the question "What kind of code we should give you for your results?" The same results appear for all of the options, you do not need to cut and paste anything.

Fat Biker Chick

I have been know to go a little fast on the Interstates, but only because my speedometer is faulty. It used to say I was doing 90-something, a clear malfunction, and something that I promised the neighbors that I would stop doing.

It now seldom gives me a misreading above 80, most of the time it hangs right at 80, maybe 85.

When I was on I-44 in Missouri on Sunday, heading back to Illinois, it mistakenly but consistently said 80. Then, Fat Biker Chick passed me as if I were standing still! I'’m not being insensitive; FATCHIK was the personalized plate on her motorcycle. She was wearing a white halter-top, above which I could see the tattoos on her shoulders and back in the warm glow of the fading September evening sun.

When I got to the top of the hill west of Six Flags, she was already rounding the curve into Eureka. When I got to the railroad bridges at Eureka, she had cleared the Meramec east of Times Beach. When I got to the top of Powder-Dump Hill, she had disappeared from view across the asphalt horizon that weaves towards 141.

Is there a greater turn-on than a woman who really knows how to drive? I love you Fat Biker Chick! Take care of yourself.

Try your hen at this...

Does anyone know what this is?

Yes, I know it's corn, I live in Illinois! But what is he doing with the corn?

This is not a trick question, I have no idea.

Be Grateful For Swedes Bearing Gifts

Not all Swedes are blond, but all Swedish university students belong to a guild for their particular major. The guilds are provided spaces that they remodel into meeting areas and lounges, some of them are very, very nice, with kitchens, bars, banquet tables, and great views!

Each major/guild has its own distinctive cap. They are all the same style but the color varies by field of study. The cap in the photo above is for the School of Technology and Society, Malmö University, Malmö, Sweden. Malmö is in southern Sweden across the Øresund from Copenhagen. I have a cap. It was a gift from Anders Hedlund and Anders Roos. The following link is to a series of pictures about the Swedish students and the Cap. I had them on another site but decided to move them to the blog. I will post a permanent link in the right column. Our friend Moni is probably the only one of you who has seen these.

Why They Invented Parking Lots

Click Here to go to the post: Parallel Park -- then click on Parallel Park in her post.

Left and Right Arrow Keys Turn The Wheel
Up and Down Arrow Keys Are Forward And Reverse

This is super fun, and if you can do it the first time you should be driving the big rigs.

How Many Ways Can You Spell Britney Spears?

Those crazy guys at Google! What will they think of next? How about a complete list of misspellings detected by their spelling correction system for the query britney spears.

Please note that the page is part of their Do You Want A Job At Google directory.

Oh, and how many ways can Google be misspelled? Look here.

How To Kill What's Left Of Your Monday

This is called Place The State Online. I missed Wyoming by 673 miles.
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UPDATE: Here is a link to the same kind of game, but you can play
Canada, Mexico, Africa, Asia, Europe, South America, Middle East, Australia, Other/Oceanic

Land O' Who?

Abraham Lincoln walked down this street. Followed by a band. September 11, 1858. There is no historical marker. He left a reception in the house behind the picket fence at the lower left. The house still stands and looks almost exactly as it did 147 years ago. There is no historical marker. After his speach at the courthouse, Mr. Lincoln came back up the street, past this point, to a campaign dinner at a hotel. The hotel building still stands. There is no historical marker. The business on the right is where I have my shirts done. There is no historical marker.

It Has Something To Do With The Curvature Of The Earth

The top photo is on the north side of the intersection. The second photo is on the south side of the same intersection. (So, the latter is actually about 150 feet closer to the junction with I-44.)

This weeks' most recorded shows using TIVO

Desperate Housewives -- crime in the surburbs
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation -- crime in Vegas
Lost -- crime on an island
Oprah Winfrey -- crime against testosterone
The Apprentice -- every guy you hated in high school
CSI: Miami -- crime in the sun
Family Guy -- cartoon, never seen it
ER -- the fading glory of NBC
The West Wing -- replaced Saved By the Bell on 10 cable channels
Grey's Anatomy -- never heard of it
Medium -- never heard of it
Law & Order -- great!
House -- ER with stubble
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit -- sex crimes
Big Brother -- variation on Real World
The O.C. -- kewl
Alias -- yet another CIA agent/graduate student show
CSI: NY -- crime in New York
Without a Trace -- crime, about missing persons
Rescue Me -- never heard of it
Will & Grace -- same script every week for seven years
Las Vegas -- more crime in Vegas
Over There -- good, will probably get better
The Simpsons -- string of inside jokes
Numb3rs -- crime and high school math

Theology in a parking lot

Bumper sticker on a car at the convenience store: “Amateurs Built The Ark, Professionals Built The Titanic.” I have been trying to figure out what that means.

The car had many bumper stickers. Most were religious. But kind of nasty religious. The “I am going to heaven but you are not” kind.

If “Amateurs Built The Ark, Professionals Built The Titanic” is meant to be religious or nasty religious I do not get it. “Jews Built The Ark, Gentiles Built The Titanic” would also be true. As would “Middle Easterners Built The Ark, White Anglo-Saxons Protestants Built The Titanic.”

“Noah Built The Ark, J.P. Morgan Built The Titanic” is another possibility.

“People Expecting Rain Built The Ark, People Expecting Fine Dining Built The Titanic.”

“The Ark Was Built To Save The Human Race, The Titanic Was Built To Save Leonardo DiCaprio’s career.”

Let's get ready to rumble, err, google

Are you itching for a fight, try GoogleFight! Are you just never tired of new and useless things to do with Google, try GoogleFight! Do you just have more time on your hands than a hooker in Salt Lake City, try GoogleFight! You can enter your own search words and have them fight it out -- I did Jim and James -- James won. Or, you can select from Classic Fights, FunnyFights, The Fight of The Month, or The Last 20 Fights. This is absolutely the most meaningless waste of time ever conceived! I Love it!

Yet More Proof The Earth Is Spinning Out Of Control

Yes, it's a toothbrush that you plug into a USB port on your PC. I suppose to brush your teeth after lighting up a Marlboro with the cigarette lighter you already installed (see August 27th below). At least we can blame this one on the Japanese. (No, I don't know where you would spit -- into the wind would be my guess.)

Is Somebody Bugging You Bad...

...then you need to visit InsultMonger.com! All of the wonderful ways you can use it to generate insults are listed below. Some are PG, but others are R or X, so insulter discretion is advised.

Click GENERATORS and your get:

++Message Board flames randomly generated -- these are long and would make great hate letters (not that I'm suggesting that). PG

++Stylish insults randomly generated -- short, really funny insults. PG

"You are a wickedly maladjusted dullard and a demented, sock-sucking plague of sighing and grief."

++A random insulting quotation from Shakespeare or a randomly generated insult in his unique style. PG

++Slang-style insults randomly generated -- short, funny insults, but R or X-Rated.

++Problem Solver -- Instantly solves all of your problems! -- Funny

There is also:

Swearsaurus -- How to insult, swear, cuss, and curse in 165 languages!

Insult Slang -- A Dictionary of Offensive & Insulting Slang (English).

Insult Jikes -- Thousands of insulting, offensive and tasteless jokes...

Naked Chef Kills Turkey

Actually, he killed Turkey Twizzlers (pictured above). Actually, he just got them banned from English schools. Actually, he's not naked. Actually, he's Jamie Oliver, whose cooking show was called The Naked Chef. Actually, once they were banned from the schools, supermarket sales increased. So, actually, the problem is the parents, not the kids. Actually.

Take A Rockefeller To Lunch

Get Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed?

Your right brain not knowing what your left brain is doing? Did you put Preparation H on your head again, or was it Super Glue? If it all seems backwards to you today, then you need to use the mirror site for Google. That's right, the site is an actual mirror image of Google. In a world that's gone crazy, this almost actually seems to make some sense. All of the Google services above the search box are also mirrored.

Sometimes there's nothing to do but pee...

Here's something to take your mind off of the price of gas,

The Urinal Game.