Saturday, December 31, 2005
An Alaska Airlines jet had to return to the Seattle airport and make an emergency landing last Monday after a foot-long hole in its fuselage caused the plane to depressurize in midair. The side of the jet was hit just before takeoff by a piece of baggage loading equipment -- the operator was afraid he would be fired if he told anyone before the plane took off. This guy is clearly one of the folks in Seattle who ride the same bus everyday as our friend Mik.
And then there is the college student in Philadelphia who has filed a federal lawsuit after spending three weeks in jail because of the flour-filled condoms that airport security found in her luggage and wrongly insisted were filled with drugs. That's right, she filled condoms with flour and then took them on a trip! The police locked her up saying that their field test indicated the condoms contained opium and cocaine. Later tests showed it to be just flour. She told police that the condoms were "a silly stress-relief contraption." Well, the package (see above) does say all purpose.
Finally, Reuters News Service reports Peruvian officials found and confiscated 4,000 frogs, saving them from certain death in cocktail blenders. It seems that in the Andes, frog cocktails are popular because of their supposed aphrodisiac qualities. (Viagra are blue, right?)
Whatever you drink on New Year's Eve, be it green or otherwise, may it bring you nothing but luck and happiness in the new year! Jim & Rooty the Dog
Friday, December 30, 2005
No one got custody of me.
Turns out that I wasn't actually friends with either one of them.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
1) Donald Trump Wants You - Please Respond
2) Double Standards New Product - Penis Patch
3) Body Wrap: Lose 6-20 inches in one hour
4) Get an Apple iPod Nano, PS3 or Xbox 360 for Free
5) It's Lisa, I must have sent you to the wrong site
6) (xx)Breaking Stock News(xx) Small Cap Issue Poised to Triple
7) Thank you for your business. Shipment notification (77FD87)
8) (IMPORTANT) Your Mortgage Application is Ready
9) Thank you: Your $199 Rolex Special Included
10) Online Prescriptions Made Easy
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
A Leap Second has been declared for 2005 -- it will be added to the end of the year.
Leap seconds are needed occasionally because modern atomic clocks measure time with great accuracy, while the rotation of the Earth can be inconsistent.
So what can you do in one second, that you can do one more of during the rapidly approaching Leap Second??? Here's my list:
Eat one Krispy Kreme donut.
Click DELETE to delete yet another spam comment.
Visit all of the blogs in the blogosphere not hosted by Stan.
Use the clicker to scan 24 channels on the TV.
Finish this sentence: "Rooty get off of the ____"
Ya'aqov (יעקב)-- Hebrew (Old Testament), Jacob
Iakobos -- Greek(Iάκωβος) (New Testament), Jacob
Jacomus -- Late Latin (pre-Romanesque languages)
Gemmes -- French variation of Jacomus
James <-- Hey, it's me!!!!!
Driving this whole idea completely into the ground (sorry), this is who I would have been to my ancestors:
German ==> Jakob
Scottish Gaelic ==> Seumas (anglicized as Hamish)
Irish ==> Séamas (anglicized as Shamus)
The pomegranate seeds are ground up inside the soap, so it's like washing with gravel, only less pleasant.
It also smells. I assume it smells like pomegranates. So now, I guess, so do I.
While I still have some skin and masculinity left, the pomegranate soap will be going to the garage, where it will wait on a shelf until Spring, when I can use it as bait in the yellow-jacket/wasp traps. The little critters will be dead, but they will be clean and smell politically correct.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Friday, December 23, 2005
Which brings us to ties. A tie is to gifts what Hamburger Helper is to sirloin steak. Remember our rule: Anyone who gives you a tie is automatically out of the will, unless it glows in the dark or plays a catchy tune.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except for Jim whining about street signs
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
The most famous phone book listing of all time was supposedly Dward Farquard. Whether it was urban legend or fact, I honestly don't know. The name is used now by someone as a screen name.
The most famous in St. Louis, long gone, was Irish, Truly -- that's right, there was someone named Truly Irish -- how great is that!!!!!!!!
I knew a Naomi Snodgrass and I went to high school with June May Aprill, but I'm sure both are married by now and have screwed up those great monickers. I also went to school with Carmaletta Kangiser -- I hope she married an O'Brien or a Cartier and added a third nationality.
None of this has anything to do with anything, except that Cardinals second baseman Mark James Grudzielanek [Gress-uh-Lawn-ick] will be with the Kansas City Royals next season. He seems like a really nice guy, but just think what his parents could have done with a little imagination!!
Monday, December 19, 2005
It's the basis for the Duct-Tape fortune. It's why we have numerous 3/4-full tubs of plumbers putty and sparkling. It explains all those packages of batteries with one battery left, shrink-packs of automobile replacement bulbs with one bulb left, and tennis ball tubes with one tennis ball in permanent residence.
(2) Any problem can be fixed simply by buying something to fix it, nothing else need be done.
I have gophers and moles. Every time I go to Home Depot, I see the gopher and mole poison and think "That's exactly what I need to get rid of those gopher and moles!" So I buy more. Since I never actually poison the gophers or moles, uncountable containers of gopher and mole poison litter the garage. The same is true of cleaning products. In my shower right now, I have spray bottles Easy-Off Bam, Kaboom, CLR Bathroom Cleaner, Lemon-Scented Scrub Free, and Tilex -- and yet the shower needs cleaning. Those are actually in the shower, who knows what lurks inside the cabinets. In the shower, I also have bottles of Fresn 'n Clean Dog Shampoo, Sulfodene Dog Shampoo, Hartz 2 in 1 Dog Shampoo, and two bottles of Johnson's Baby Shampoo, and yet Rooty actually needs a bath. I have eight million staples.
On the other hand, no man has ever purposely bought anything a size too small in anticipation of losing weight.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
December 25th is not Jesus's birthday, no one knows when that was.
What December 25th used to be was the winter solstice, until the calendar was changed.
About 380 years after Christ's birth, the Pope decided that December 25th/the winter solstice would be a good time to celebrate a special mass in honor of the nativity (i.e. Christ's Mass). This raised the day liturgically a little above those days assigned to just a saint, but only to the level of other special mass days (such as Candlemas). Theologically, the biggies were Easter and Pentecost.
The winter solstice was probably picked to please the Roman Emperor Constantine, who was a Mithraism, a pagan sect for whom both birthdays and the equinox were very important. [It was Constantine who made Christianity the state religion of the empire, although he did not actually convert until his death bed. His mother had been a longtime Christian, however, and she is responsible for the identification of the Christian Holy Places in the Holy Land.]
So, what you had for centuries was a day with a special mass and a tradition of celebration and partying.
Then can the Puritans in England. They were called "puritans" not because of their lifestyle but because they sought to rid the English Church of all vestiges of Romanism. They busted out the stain glass windows, ripped out the alters, smashed the statutes, and got rid of all religious vestments. The English Church has already gotten rid of the Mass, saints' days, most holy days, Eurchistitc Presence, and other "papish superstitions." The Puritans abhored Christmas, and they and their fellow Calvinists (Presbyterians and Baptists) brought that hatred with them to the New World. [Puritan churches are called Congregational Churches -- there is one in the middle of every New England town. Congregationalism was the largest religious denomination in America until the 1850's.]
To show it's disrespect for the very idea of Christmas, the United States Congress purposely met on Christmas Day into the 19th Century. [It is interesting to note that many those who most claim to be the direct heirs of the religious beliefs of the founders of the nation, and who otherwise use the beliefs of those founders to support their side in all sorts of church/state issues, were among the first to criticize the President for sending out a non-religious holiday card. George Washing would have been offended by the "Christmas Card." He would probably have liked George Bush's. The same folks have chastised the many evangelical Christian Churches that are not holding Christmas services this year so their employees can spend time with their families, presumably ignorant of the fact that that is closer to the traditions upon which the nation was originally built than anything that they themselves might be doing.]
Do you see where the idea of Christmas as a secular holiday, rather than a holy day, came from? Those whose religious beliefs dominated the United States before the waves of Catholic and Lutheran immigrants in the mid-1800's, could not tolerate the idea of Christmas as a holy day, but they could rationalize it as a holiday when families wanted to be together. What the courts quickly agreed is that cities can put up holiday decorations, but not holy day decorations, since the latter would have been decidedly "Catholic" and, hence, favor one religion over all others. The very idea of a nativity scene to a good Calvinist, of course, would be pure idolatry -- putting one in front of city hall would be a surrender of part of what the English and Scottish Reformations had been all about.
Call it a Christmas Tree, call it a Holiday Tree, call it Bob, just stop quiblings about inconsequentials. The 25th might not be Jesus's actual birthday, but the fact that he had a birthday is reason for many of us to celebrate. Be solemn if you like, but judge not least ye be judged -- Ben Stein is a game show host, not a prophet. And, to Irving Berlin, who gave us White Christmas, Happy Hannachah wherever you might be!
Saturday, December 17, 2005
Friday, December 16, 2005
I bring this up because a new scam is to grab a bunch of those gift cards from the open racks at the big retailers, take them someplace and scan the ID numbers. The amount available on a card is not stored on the card itself but on a big central computer someplace, all that is scanned when you check out is the ID number. Once they have the ID numbers, our scammers put the gift cards that they took back into the racks at different store locations. Innocent buyers (you and me) subsequently select the cards and have them activated, not realizing that someone else already knows the ID numbers. All that remains for the scammers to do is to buy a few cards for small amounts, have them activated, and change the ID numbers on the cards. Changing the info on the magnetic strip is apparently easy to do. which is the reason the dollar amount is not stored there in the first place. The credit balances on the altered cards can be used to buy merchandise, or be sold at a discount for some quick cash. Happy Holidays.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Note: I actually lifted the picture from Stan's post, where he goes searching for his lost youth in the Oregon wilderness but, oddly enough, only finds plates of biscuits.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
This is a shot to the east -- there are just as many out there lurking to the south, and to the west! When the lake freezes solid, they will all stumble up into the yard.
Rooty ignores them. Occasionally he'll run though a pack of them just to see and hear them scatter but, like most things that do not involve McDonald's, he generally does not care about them at all.
I simply followed his lead with No Stocking-Stuffer Jokes Please!, about a male package appearance enhancer, so none of this is really my fault! [Versions of the MPAE named for TV shows: The Young and The Restless, The Bold and The Beautiful, Eight is Enough, Everwood ...]
Phoenix followed with The Science of Bats and Balls, his discourse on brain size and ball size in bats.
So you see, it is absolutely all not my fault, and I have no choice but to report the following:
The Sun Online reports that "NEW Superman Brandon Routh is giving movie chiefs a mighty headache — with his supersize LUNCHBOX." It seems that even Phoenix's bats would be in awe of ole Brandon, relatively speaking.
Studio wardrobe experts tried to bring Brandon down to earth with special hardware to hide what the Sun calls "the rookie actor’s blockbuster bulge."
According to actress and co-star Parker Posey, costume staff were constantly adjusting Brandon's superpowers. “He’s got everyone touching him all the time. He’s lying on his stomach and he’s got five people coming up and pulling his underwear down, sticking their hands up the butt of his suit.”
But alas, according to the Sun, mere mortals can only do so much to conceal the schlong of the man of steal. “It’s a major issue for the studio. Brandon is extremely well endowed and they don’t want it up on the big screen. We may be forced to erase his package with digital effects.” That's right, they're going to cut him down to size, one pixel at a time!
Back to you Phoenix...
Monday, December 12, 2005
The French Rugby Calendar -- The international best-seller of athletes willing to bare all for the sake of their team (yeh sure). The link is to the DVD since the calendar photos show more of the Frenchmen that any of us ever need to see. Not as well know, but perhaps the strangest, is the Ana Arce Team Sponsorship Calendar 2006 -- this is a calendar of naked women curlers (that sport where they push weights across ice, see photo). Anyway, here is a list of calendars where men and women bare all, or nearly all, for a specific charity.
At the other extreme, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign is offering The Big Brains 2006 Calendar. The calendar features artistically enhanced MRI brain scans of students, faculty, staff, and administrators and includes with each scan an explanations of a brain function "correlated to each individual." [No, I don't know what that means, but it probably has nothing to do with The Phoenix's post today -- The Science of Bats and Balls.]
Feeling a little nostalgia for the good-ole-days, how about the Outhouses 2006 Wall Calendar. This calendar presents twelve outhouses preserved for "posteriority." At least you would know what room to hang it in.
And just what could be more fun than 365 Tiny Paper Airplanes 2006 Calendar. That's right, the page for each day can be easily turned into a paper airplane -- this might be a guy thing!
How about The 365 Stupidest Things Ever Said 2006 Calendar -- and no, they are not quotes from this blog!!!
And finally, for those of you who live completely in a fantasy world, there is the Sex: Every Day in Every Way 2006 Daily Calendar, featuring a different Position of the Day for every day of the year. [July 7th is just like July 6th, only you have your fingers crossed.]
Fri Dec 9, 4:33 PM ET HUDSON FALLS, N.Y. Washington County New York Sheriff's Deputy Shawn Lovelace arrested Banana Boy and two of his bunch today at gunpoint on charges of disorderly conduct for snarling traffic and not informing police they were going to be filming a TV skit in public (the latter law seemingly unique to Hudson Falls).
Banana Boy (20) has a local TV show and one of his friends was pretending to attack him with a fake knive. "Unaware the melee was staged, Lovelace drew his handgun and ordered Banana Boy and his colleagues to the ground. They complied — quickly." Another friend who was watching the taping of the skit yelled "Oh my God, don't shoot the banana!"
"Banana Boy ... was still in costume when he was picked up by his father at the police station." Sourse: Yahoo! News. PostStar.com.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Friday, December 09, 2005
USB-powered mini Xmas tree with LED light
LED cycles through 6 colors
Great for desk, server room, top of monitor
Power Supply: 5V/1A, Standard USB
Works with USB 1.0, 1.1, 2.0 ports
Compatible with PC, MAC, SUN, and Playstation2 Connector
USB Type-A Male Plug Dimensions: 3.2" dia x 4.5" tall
USB power cord length: 40"
When his hair is long, he looks 15, tops. For the last year or so it has been shorter, combed up with a sort of spike effect. That way he looks 21, a young 21, but more like his actual age. The burr cuts makes him look like he just broke out of a juvenile detention facility.
He asked me what I thought. You will be please to know that I didn't answer that the vet did the same thing to Rooty's tummy before his ultra sound.
And, Stan, before you post a comment, it's much shorter than your's.
There is also the difference that David is 21, lives at home, and works for his father. The most rebellious thing he's ever done before is to make his bed after church rather than before -- and that caused a mini family crisis.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Well, I heard from my mystery visitor from Toronto, Ontario, Canada!
It was great to hear from you Rick!!!!!!!! Part of writing a blog is the sheer thrill of occasionally finding out that there is actually somebody out there.
In Rick's honor, Test your Canada Geography - Provinces Interactive Quiz
BERLIN (Reuters) - Police in Germany arrested a shoplifter who filled his trousers with 39 tubes of toothpaste, authorities in the western town of Dueren said on Wednesday.
Police said store detectives in a supermarket chased the 37-year-old Uzbek after they saw him stuff the tubes into his pants, and forced him to hand over his booty.
"As far as I know, it was back on the shelves soon after," a police spokesman said.[I added the emphasis, and yuk]
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
HERE IS THE LINK TO THE SITE (Dumb JIM!!!!!)
This is the same kind of game but only from the Federal Reserve Bank
At the other extra, here is one from that lady who talks about sex on the Oxygen Channel
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
New answers added -- plus I reversed the order.
Let's do two lists.
1. What blogger would you most like to have lunch with? It can be someone you visit with daily, or maybe a blog you have only been too once. And, it is only for lunch, we are not asking about anything else. [NOTE: Your choice cannot be me. I only eat lunch with Rooty, in the car, on our way home from McDonald's.]
2. What visitor would you most like to know who it is? If you use a tracking service (Sitemeter, StatCounter, etc.) you can tell what city your visitors come from. All of us have frequent visitors who never leave comments, most don't. But is there that one visitor who you would really like to know about.
SO, in your comment, lunch with whom and why? and what visitor intrigues you and why? I'll recopy to list below.
Suzi -- OK, Jim and Rooty won't eat lunch with us. Fine...I'll deal with it. I'd like to have lunch with Phoenix, Pixie, and Rob Thurman (local folks) plus out-of-towners Stan and Amber.
Phoexix -- I think it would be fun to have a big lunch gathering with Kim (phoenix-rising.net/blog), Kimberlyn (kimcstl.blogspot), Lon (obilon.blogspot), Andrew Cairns from Austrailia, of course you Jim, and Meagan (hopefully she'll play piano for us), and Suzi Chen. Maybe Suzi can cook some fried rice for us.
Meagan -- Well, first off, I think it would be like a non-stop laugh-fest to have lunch with Jim, Stan, Me, Phoenix, Suzi, Scott, and David Amulet all together. A big enough group of bloggers who are all semi-familiar with each other enough to not have those awkward UPC-code-inspired silences.
And Jim, maybe we could rent a mini-van so we can all drive-through McDonalds, that way you and Rooty can be involved also.
But, one-one-one, I would like to have lunch with Emily (emilyrenee.blogpost.com) because I think we have so many similarities beyond the fun silliness. We only met in blogworld and I really wonder if we'll ever meet for real.
Stan -- Since I've actually had a meal with half of my blog friends at one point or another, and I can't choose Jim and Rooty, that narrows down the field considerably. I'd have to choose Kristen, because I think that we'd get along just as well in person as we do in the blogosphere. She'd have to be okay with my girlfriend coming along. ;)
Jim -- I would like to have lunch with Stan, probably because of our shared preoccupation with inconsequentials, but in person there would probably be awkward silences followed by my beating him senseless for reciting random UPC codes during dessert. I would take Moni, Suzi, Maegan, Phoenix, Scott, and the rest of you to dinner (with cake).
LIST TWO - What visitor would you most like to know who it is?
Suzi -- Regular reader from Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Who the heck is this who visits almost every day?
Phoenix -- That's so weird, Jim, because I have a frequent visitor from Ontario as well, right from the very beginning. No idea who they are. Also, I have someone from Saskatchewan that has been to my blog over 100 times. Maybe the Canadians are mad at me for all my wisecracks!
Meagan -- I am not nearly savvy enough to keep track of my sitemeter. It's through bravenet and I guess I just haven't figured it out yet. However, when I created that silly quiz, there was a Diana and a Tom who took it. They both got 70% right, so must be somewhat regular readers. Neither of them have ever commented. Diana and Tom! Who are you!?!
Stan -- I used to have a frequent visitor whose ISP was a UPS in New Jersey, but when I publicly asked who the person was, they mysteriously disappeared. These days I'm seeing a bunch of hits from an ISP in Hickory, NC, and I can't think of anyone I know who lives there.
Jim -- I have a visitor from Toronto Ontario, I also used to have an IM chat buddy from Toronto, and every time I see Toronto I wonder if it is him. It was a very causal chat buddy, I didn't even save his IM address, it's just on of those things that sticks in your mind.
is one of the words that can be typed using just the keys in one row of a typewriter or computer keyboard.
There is only one word that can be typed using the bottom row of keys.
These are my sources:
The Random House College Dictionary
Cambridge International Dictionary of English
Encarta World English Dictionary,North American Edition
Monday, December 05, 2005
Source: Reuters News Service
I'm sure that I have forgotten most of what it is like to be 21, but it had to have been different than David at 21. For one thing, he never stops talking. I kind of remember it being cool to be moody and stoic when I was 21. David talks all the time. Watching sports on TV, he does a running play-by-play of the game. Watching anything else on TV, he does a running play-by-play of the plot. Driving in the car, he does a running play-by-play of other traffic. When he reads the newspaper, he provides a running commentary. When he walks through a room, he's always providing an ongoing exposition about something.
He also speaks some unknown foreign language, that has pronouns and a few verbs that I recognize but little else. His sports heroes are not baseball and football players but guys besieged with tattoos and afflicted with perpetually dazed looks who snowboard and engage in something called aggressive skating. His clothes are a calliope of odd sounding brand names. His shoes are from a galaxy far, far away. His music is essentially the same sensation as being inside of a kettle drum.
He has an astonishing lack of inhibitions. There is a street right in front of my house, and a lake right behind, there is no such thing here as privacy. The single thing that I most often say to him is "David, put some clothes on." If I am in the shower, and he is in a hurry, he will get right it. He has two brothers, almost the same age, so I assume communal bathing was an everyday occurrence as they grew up. I have no brothers. To me my shower is a voting booth with plumbing; I expect to be in there alone.
And, of course, even when he's showering he's still talking, I don't know how he keeps from drowning.
But, he's a really good guy. He's too smart to use drugs. He's too cheap to drink too much. He's a great driver and a hard worker and he laughs at my jokes. It should be a fun couple days. If you drive by, be sure to wave. I'll be the one wearing clothes.